Angel Dreams

A little while ago I promised to dig up some of my  old poems and let them escape the confines of my notebooks. Here, in honour of St. Valentine’s Day, is one recalling a date from over a decade ago, when my husband and I were just dating. Enjoy!

Angel Dreams

Sometimes I wonder if
my guardian angel gets tired…
Does she weary of my insistence
of consistently wearing myself out?
The fact that she, too,
gets dragged about by my passions–
late night bus rides and cabs–
holding my hand
and watching my day-weary face,
hours passing like years.

And what does she think
as she broods in her
milky moonlit hammock,
hanging by my window
like a spider
catching dreams.
Does she hear my cry–
torn about by sleepless dreams–
or do her angel thoughts
fade me out?

Does she spend the time I’m sleeping
sewing the names of people I love
into her gown with starlit thread?
That she may be held aloft
buoyant with their love
remembering me as fingers remember lips.

Was she there that time at Rossini’s?
With the live jazz
and James and I gazing at each other
and grinning–
bouncing around in our seats like kids–
so impressed by the wonderful, throaty
wailings and croons of the black singer
we couldn’t help but dance to her voice.

Did she sit, invisible,
at the table beside us
sipping at a mug
of dream-drowsy blueberry tea…
eyes glazed with candle glow…
Or did she hover near the ceiling above us
just watching
and no drinking on the job,
for when God’s your boss
there’s no sneaking,
although there must be
benevolence.

The night before

Tonight
is the night before I lost you, dearest,
two years ago
when you burst from my womb
and were launched straight into Heaven.

Two years ago tonight,
it was Michealmas
and perhaps your passing the next day
was accompanied by him–
this warrior angel
this strong protector—
to carry you on high
in arms safe and loving as your daddy’s.

Great angel,
protect my spirit now
and give me the courage to face the night,
knowing what tomorrow brings.

Help me be brave enough
to feel the pain of loss
yet again,
ever still,
but also to live with the simplicity of my children
who know how to rejoice in each moment
and sing Christmas carols with gusto
no matter what the season.
Sufficient for the day
is the joy thereof.

Happy Archangels’ Feast Day 

Here are the angels my kids had fun making today for the feast day of the three archangels, St Michael, St Gabriel and St Raphael. We talked about their biblical stories and their special jobs (protection from evil, healing and safe journeys, messages of salvation from God) and read the prayers asking for their intercession.

Then we looked at art of the archangels online, and discovered what their special symbols are (sword and shield, fish and walking staff, lillies and scroll). The variety of styles of angelic art was quite impressive…from stained glass to pastel sketches, metal statues to Eastern Icons, and more. The one that made the girls laugh was the Japanese anime angel Gabriel. “It’s a Pokemon angel!” they declared gleefully.

Finally, we made some angels of our own. St Gabriel was the most popular today!  
    

   

Happy Feast Day, and may your own guardian angels watch over you all!

How small I am, Lord

How small I am, Lord,

like a little toddler stumbling along 

and insisting on doing it “self.”

But when I get so exhausted that

I have to sit down and cry,

I find myself scooped up in Your loving arms.

You’ve made me this small so You can carry me

tenderly and cover my scrapes with kisses….

gestures of affection from all those around me,

whose warmth and wisdom protects me

from the silliness of trying

to travel this journey alone. 

I am tiny

so others can have the chance

to be messengers of Your mercy—

angels of Your love.

Help me always to trust

that every time I fall

You’ll be there to comfort me

with a love even sweeter than before.