Oh sweet relief! Love has triumphed!
No more has death the final word
It has become but a deep bow
In the dance of life
A last embrace
Leading into great light
For you I would enter the dark waters
So said the Voice to the tiny speck
Floating the the vastness of the universe
And the little speck
Overcome with sheer joy
Burst into flame
And lit up the entire universe
With a flash of love
Entering by this exchange of love
The realm of eternity
As we do our prayer tonight,
the baby stands up in my arms
quivering with curiosity
as he stares at his elephant blankie.
His little sweet self—
neath those pudgy cheeks and bright eyes—
filled with the radiance of eternity…
How is it that we are not blinded
by its brightness?
Merciful covering of cuteness!
Of course as I pray and write this poem,
baby works very hard to fill his diaper
and sends a mustard streak up his back.
Oh, the comedy of being children of God
and also, oh, so very human!
Tomorrow is a big day for Mummy. Your little brother is going to be born. We are going to coax him out into the world three weeks early, in hopes that he can be safe. In hopes that things will go differently than last time. He kicks and wiggles hello to you, his big sister in Heaven.
Know, my dear one, that you are very much in my heart right now, as ever. Your little brother is, as a friend told me today, one of your many gifts to me. So I thank you for constantly making my life richer, deeper and more exquisitely beautiful. How much I love you!
After losing you in labour last time, I am afraid. When I think about how I couldn’t save you, I tremble. I want to cry. I want to hide my head in my blankets and not come out. But I know there is a greater, deeper plan than the one I can understand. I know you are safe and beautiful and loved. That you always will be.
And I want you to know, my little sweetheart, that no matter how much time passes, you will always be my special baby, even when you have grown wise beyond your brief time on earth by so much time spent in Heaven, that timeless place of Love, where I hope to join you one day.
Save me a huge hug and so many kisses, and tomorrow shower us with the grace of your perfect little prayers, as your brother makes his epic journey into this world. I know that we are wrapped in the wings of angels, and lifted up by the strength of so many heartfelt prayers.
I pray that our new little one may, above all, become like his sister, a saint—a sweet beacon of love for the world.
All my heart’s embraces,
The Feast of All Saints
Outside the moon smiles lopsided
ever laughing, ever the same
despite my foibles, my losses
my little tragedies and defeats,
the moon continues in it’s ever changing sameness,
shining down like a flashlight
each difference but a dance with shadows.
And while sirens blare
and strange cars drive by
on late night voyages,
the cool air caresses me with the same
light breath and the stars quietly proclaim
“We are forever.”
Can it be that I, too,
despite my little daily battles—
the exorbitant dishes, the laundry piles that heave and grow
like monsters animated by dust and finger-paint,
the millionth cup of spilled juice,
the sweet stickiness of the table after pancakes—
am somehow part of this cycle of sameness
which is a gateway to eternity?
that through these daily things
and my yes to the “now”
to the goodness of each day
I am also saying yes
An amen which fills the heart
with joy unquenchable..
The moon looks down
through the cool night air
upon my littleness
and laughs, “Yes!”
We would that the leaves be ever green
but it is in their turning
in their burning colours
that they become precious
It is in their being stripped bare
that the trees make us long
for a beauty eternal
A flame undying
A love unending
An embrace of safety
without fear quaking
without us shaking
A peace to still the trembling
of our mortal hearts