A little rant on editing one’s poetry…

It can be a hard thing to be a poet. To be every day pouring your soul out through your words, every day spinning them into magic like the tireless spider, each day hoping your silver net will catch a ray of sunshine in a dewdrop, and it that tiny microcosm, encapsulate a piece of your world.

And that is the fun part, the inspiration, the communing with the spirit that guides you…but after that, comes panning your river of words for gold among the rocks, the shaking of your pebbled poems, the cracking of them to see if they sparkle inside, the shaking off the dust and dirt that obscures them.

And this quiet work of refining can take years. Long enough for you to almost forget that you wrote the poems, that you spoke them into being with your sufferings and joys…and to wonder, now that you’ve squeezed out your soul, if anyone cares…or if everything you’ve said is outdated and unimportant.

And yet you yearn to hold this ethereal creation of yours in your hot little hands. To show it, to share it, to hold it up and say, “See? I have triumphed!” To celebrate it’s birth with the giddiness of a new mother and the delight of a child. And whether or not people buy this treasure of your soul (for less than the price of going out for lunch even) is …important, yes, but not essential…

No matter what happens to your book, now flown the coop of your computer, it has been created, and it is a victory. The bodiless angels themselves are marvelling at the human ability to tap their fleshy fingers, rumble air through their delicate throats and pour out song.

With these thoughts I comfort myself as the poetry project I’ve been working on for almost nine years comes to a close, and as the tenth anniversary of the loss of my daughter Josephine approaches, for whom I wrote my first poetry book, and for whose little siblings I’ve written this next one.

May my new book come into the light and fly away, so my hands will be free to write the next one, which is already printed on my heart.

Joy

Oh joy,

hopping around the corner

like a bunny,

waiting for me to follow you—

I see your winking whiskers

and twinkling eyes—

you just wanna play with me,

don’t you?

To frolic and romp about

in noisy hoots and hollers,

and collapse in a heap of hay,

laughing with straw in my hair

and stars in my eyes….

It’s not really about catching you, is it?

A bunny held squirms

and kicks you in the gut.

Joy is a wild thing,

slippery as the sunrise over the horizon,

as the sunset behind a hill—

ever leaving, yet ever winking

from behind the moon—

calling me to run forward again,

and despite my tears, to laugh!

The Day Before (a poem for a dear friend)

Amidst all the nerves and butterflies,

the anxious flutterings

of your mind and heart,

there is one truth that surrounds you

like the atmosphere.

Like the earth,

let yourself be embraced by it,

the truth that you are

utterly and totally loved—

as you are today,

as you will be tomorrow—

now and forever.

You were blessed into existence

by the dream of our Father God’s heart.

He foresaw you all swaddled

in white and lace at your baptism,

and he sees you already,

tomorrow,

swathed in white beauty once again,

as you enter his house as a bride—

not to love perfectly,

despite your human brokenness,

but to rejoice in being beloved

and to share that joy forever

by delighting in your new spouse.

Now and forever—

as you will be tomorrow,

as you are today—

let the truth that you are

utterly and totally loved

embrace you

like the earth.

Like the atmosphere,

may that one truth surround you,

amidst the anxious flutterings

of your mind and heart,

calming all the nerves and butterflies,

so you can rest gently in joyful hope.

Summer Blackberries

We’ve moved to the suburbs;

evening walks are filled

with the silhouettes of tall trees

against the darkening sky,

their simple elegance poignant enough

to make me want to paint them.

As we walk along the winding sidewalks

and down the forest-lined road,

we are surrounded by the smell

of summer blackberries

bountiful enough to make me 12 again—

a grinning girl in cut-off jeans

licking her berry-stained fingers

and rejoicing in being

at home in this world.

Just Breathe

There was another year of Covid,

but we crawled out of our caves

like newborn butterflies with sticky wings,

slow and hesitant in the spring sunshine.


We hoped to migrate to a new home

of our own, a fresh start…

but the inheritance was not enough.

Nevertheless the landlord said, “Go.”


A flutter of wings, a flurry,

a tiny hurricane of stress,

and searching, searching, searching

for a safe place to land.


A flying in the dark

—a trusting through blindness—

through not knowing at all

what was meant to be.


The summer sun swelled with heat

yet no shady dale

or safe valley dappled with sunshine

appeared—until it did.


And then it did.


Out of the concrete embrace

of the city we flew,

away from sirens and cement

towards the cedars and starlight.

Towards wind whispering in the fir trees,

the moon staring at me on my patio

and winking as I grin and grin

at the wonder of my new home.


And evenings filled with sunshine

sparkling in the sprinkler-kissed grasses

of the wildflower field

that is my unmowed back yard.

And glistening on the rosy skin

of my newborn daughter,

sleeping like a little wild nymph

in my joyful arms.

“And all is well

And all is well

And all manner of things

shall be well.”

Julian of Norwich

Trumpet of Joy

Deep-throated daffodil,

blast out your message of hope!

Rebel against the weariness of despair,

the back-breaking burden of seriousness,

the meticulous dissection of fearful plans.

Daffodil, shout!

None of the world’s noise is loud enough

to silence the sound of your wordless proclamation:

“Have hope, hope, hope!”

The grimy winter is grinding to a halt

and from the earth’s breast,

goodness is springing forth once again.

A world of grey is shattered

by one shard of green and yellow life.

Welcome to the World, Tiny Foot

Your tiny foot—

softer than a silky dog’s ear—

easily fits into the palm of my hand

as you nurse yourself into a cozy milk coma

and snuggle by my side.

Only a week ago,

that same foot

was pushing up against my ribs,

knocking on the door of my heart

as if to say,

“Mama, I’m ready to meet the world!”

And oh, Tiny Foot, how ready I was to meet you!