Feeling right at home, up a tree on the beach!
Feeling right at home, up a tree on the beach!
My husband is clueless. He has absolutely no idea how wonderful he is. He works day and night (literally) to support our family, and even though he is exhausted, makes a point of spending time with me…even if it’s just watching a stupid show in the wee hours so we can laugh together. Relationships matter to him. There’s nothing more precious than his family (ok, his books come a close second, but still).
Despite all this he often feels inadequate, because he can’t be the magical dad who is home at 5 pm helping cook dinner and then wrangling all the kids into bed. His work to-do list never ever ends, but without it, I couldn’t be home with the kids. I couldn’t be there for all the first steps and first words, for my five year old’s funny science questions (What if tongues didn’t stop growing?), for the impromptu ballet performances and puppet shows, for the discussions about novels and movies and what life is all about. All these things, my husband primarily has to miss so I can be there for them.
Thank you, honey. It’s crazy hard….your work, my work…but it’s a gift. Our family is a gift. I’m so grateful.
Right now, on the midst of all this business, you’ve taken a week off so I can have a break. So I can go on workshop to feed my mind and recharge my soul. Because even imperfect moms deserve a break. That means we all do. It’s hard to go away when I feel like there’s a million things I should be doing at home, but with your love and support I’m going. Sailing off to be a kid in school again for a week and study philosophical anthropology–what it is to be human and live a fulfilling life–and honestly, I can’t wait! 😉 As a homeschooling mom, it’s nice to take a turn being the student!
While there’s always so much to do, sometimes the best way to move forward is to step back and let go for a bit. So cheers to that, and thanks, honey for being amazing.
I sit here at East is East
almost alone (the baby is sleeping on my lap)
but feeling the opposite of lonely
a perfectly satisfied fulness
an openness to everything:
the heat of the spices in my mouth,
the cool kiss of my iced Turkish Chill,
the spring breeze in the elegant drapes,
the warm orange glow of the lamps.
The vibrant aquamarine wall behind the stage
is filled with memories of musicians
from date nights past…
when that skinny little girl
with her starry-eyed dreams
met that philosopher boy:
tall, brown-bearded, bespectacled.
They met and fell in love
talking their heads off
over so many meals
from all over the world:
Ethiopian, Thai, Chinese, Italian, Irish, Mongolian and more…
walking the town
in search of truth, meaning,
They married and filled the restaurants
with tiny people who like spicy Thai food
loud, gorgeous, long-lashed children–
and one gone ahead to the heavenly banquet.
And now instead of that teenaged aching emptiness
–that lonely longing–
there is hustle and bustle,
a thunderstorm of pitter patters
and never a moment alone.
Today that skinny girl
still red-headed and freckled,
but a little more wobbly around the middle,
has escaped for a moment alone with her dreams
in the same café where,
sitting with her bosom buddies
she discovered the presence
of her latest warm bundle–
a blue-eyed moon baby
whose smile bursts her chubby face open
And the girl
now a mom of 8
(how did that happen??)
is learning to dig deeper
underneath the choas
into the quiet space inside
where her spirit resides
and speaks poetry in whispers
(if you’re quiet you can hear…).
The Spirit speaks to her
in dappled sunshine through tender new leaves
and the scent of lilacs.
She buries her face in them
and is transported back to highschool–
to the village where nature spoke to her so clearly
and she filled her notebooks with passionate scribbles,
longings for the fulness she now has
Today the baby and I had a date. Just the two of us…and a delicious salted caramel latté. We had lunch, she napped while I wrote poetry, we browsed thrift stores, bought a fancy teething necklace for her to chew on, and looked at pretty feminine things like flowery dresses and teacups.
Every now and then you gotta quit scrubbing floors and be a princess for a day. Call it a mom sanity date or shopping therapy or whatever, but that quiet time is gold! All I really wanted for Mother’s Day was a little quiet time, and I got it. I feel human again. Hurrah!
As for the rest of my crew, they had a awesome picnic at the park with our weekly babysitter. Happy meals at the park…oh, yeah, best day ever baby!
Happy Mother’s Day to all you awesome mamas out there…I hope you’re able to show yourselves some love and gentleness, and take care of yourselves as well as you do your families. It’s so important for everyone! 🙂