Toddler Security Services: Your Isolation Solution!

Stress got ya down? Toddler Security Services is your solution to feeling safe all the time!

Here at T.S.S., we offer:

24/7 Surveillance. Don’t worry; day or night, we are ALWAYS watching you.

  • Z.P.S. Zero personal space. There’s literally no where you can go without us!
  • Sonic Boom Alarm System: no alarm is louder than ours! It’s ear-piercingly effective in obtaining immediate assistance. Friendly Staff. You will love us, and we will love you! In fact, being smothered with affection is the only “danger” at T.S.S.!Affordability. We have very flexible payment plans, and accept all cookies, candies, pancakes and mini-yogurts. We even accept hugs.

    So what are you waiting for? Sign up and get your own personal security assistant today from Toddler Security Services! T.S.S.: your isolation solution! Never feel alone again (whether you like it or not)!

    Some days

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    Spread far and wide

    And though I’ve tried

    My patience fails

    My heart, it quails

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    The toddler roars

    And slams the door

    He lets me know

    Who runs the show

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    The baby cries

    The empress queen

    Will be obeyed

    Or price be paid

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    I’m losing sleep

    And with is goes

    All the wisdom

    That I know

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    Chalk in the sink

    Paint on the floor

    Stamps on the wall

    Pens on the door

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    My mind forgets

    My plans do fail

    Behind me lies

    A messy trail

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    Mistakes rubbed in

    Do sink my heart

    Under their weight

    I fall apart

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    I write this poem

    Take refuge in

    The secret world

    I hide within

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    The Kamakazi Toddler and Other Adventures in Eating Out with Kids

    We went to the Dosa Factory restaurant

    with a very good old friend

    and our seven kids.

    They were very good:

    one napped quietly and the others played card games like “Go Fish”

    and set up their Littlest Pet Shops on the lazy Susan

    to show our sweet friend

    who expressed genuine delight.

    They sat in their seats and were very good indeed…

    except the toddler

    who played musical chairs

    and repeatedly catapulted himself off his high chair,

    grinning delightedly under his cropped golden mop:

    “Wheee! Whahoo! Wheee!”

    Of course the encouraging smiles of the surrounding people

    just added fuel to the fire

    and when he hid under the table

    it wasn’t in shame but in jest…

    he was playing house!

    It was all well and good until he spilled water all over his pants

    and decide to strip down, then and there, in the high chair….

    and then bolt–laughing!–

    as Daddy followed in hot pursuit.

    After being bribed with “Coffey” (sweet milky chai tea)

    he temporarily settled back into his high chair

    (now in his pants again…which were only pjs…but still)

    and sipped his drink off a spoon with relish:

    “It’s yummy, Mama; it tastes GOOD!”

    And while all this went on

    we ate mutter paneer dosa, and chicken korma and naan

    and talked faith and philosophy,

    the importance of being yourself

    and why the little things matter,

    and I nursed the baby

    and bounced her as she cooed and giggled

    those new little laughs

    that are like spring flowers

    meeting with the world for the first time

    to share their loveliness.

    And once the kids escaped their seats

    and scampered about eating fennel seed candy,

    we settled up and walked home in the slight rain

    to the scent of June roses

    perfuming the grey evening with hope

    and splashes of colour.