Toddler Security Services: Your Isolation Solution!

Stress got ya down? Toddler Security Services is your solution to feeling safe all the time!

Here at T.S.S., we offer:

24/7 Surveillance. Don’t worry; day or night, we are ALWAYS watching you.

  • Z.P.S. Zero personal space. There’s literally no where you can go without us!
  • Sonic Boom Alarm System: no alarm is louder than ours! It’s ear-piercingly effective in obtaining immediate assistance. Friendly Staff. You will love us, and we will love you! In fact, being smothered with affection is the only “danger” at T.S.S.!Affordability. We have very flexible payment plans, and accept all cookies, candies, pancakes and mini-yogurts. We even accept hugs.

    So what are you waiting for? Sign up and get your own personal security assistant today from Toddler Security Services! T.S.S.: your isolation solution! Never feel alone again (whether you like it or not)!

    Some days

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    Spread far and wide

    And though I’ve tried

    My patience fails

    My heart, it quails

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    The toddler roars

    And slams the door

    He lets me know

    Who runs the show

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    The baby cries

    The empress queen

    Will be obeyed

    Or price be paid

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    I’m losing sleep

    And with is goes

    All the wisdom

    That I know

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    Chalk in the sink

    Paint on the floor

    Stamps on the wall

    Pens on the door

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    My mind forgets

    My plans do fail

    Behind me lies

    A messy trail

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    Mistakes rubbed in

    Do sink my heart

    Under their weight

    I fall apart

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    I write this poem

    Take refuge in

    The secret world

    I hide within

    Some days

    Stretched thin

    My heart, my skin

    The Kamakazi Toddler and Other Adventures in Eating Out with Kids

    We went to the Dosa Factory restaurant

    with a very good old friend

    and our seven kids.

    They were very good:

    one napped quietly and the others played card games like “Go Fish”

    and set up their Littlest Pet Shops on the lazy Susan

    to show our sweet friend

    who expressed genuine delight.

    They sat in their seats and were very good indeed…

    except the toddler

    who played musical chairs

    and repeatedly catapulted himself off his high chair,

    grinning delightedly under his cropped golden mop:

    “Wheee! Whahoo! Wheee!”

    Of course the encouraging smiles of the surrounding people

    just added fuel to the fire

    and when he hid under the table

    it wasn’t in shame but in jest…

    he was playing house!

    It was all well and good until he spilled water all over his pants

    and decide to strip down, then and there, in the high chair….

    and then bolt–laughing!–

    as Daddy followed in hot pursuit.

    After being bribed with “Coffey” (sweet milky chai tea)

    he temporarily settled back into his high chair

    (now in his pants again…which were only pjs…but still)

    and sipped his drink off a spoon with relish:

    “It’s yummy, Mama; it tastes GOOD!”

    And while all this went on

    we ate mutter paneer dosa, and chicken korma and naan

    and talked faith and philosophy,

    the importance of being yourself

    and why the little things matter,

    and I nursed the baby

    and bounced her as she cooed and giggled

    those new little laughs

    that are like spring flowers

    meeting with the world for the first time

    to share their loveliness.

    And once the kids escaped their seats

    and scampered about eating fennel seed candy,

    we settled up and walked home in the slight rain

    to the scent of June roses

    perfuming the grey evening with hope

    and splashes of colour.

    Some long days…

    Some long days the baby cries

    and the toddler screams

    and the 5 year old seems to have

    ants in his pants

    and a megaphone around his neck.

    Some long days

    the toddler won’t nap

    and the phone rings five times

    during the quiet-time movie

    and it seems nothing can wait

    for you to just chill out and relax

    for just an hour…even half an hour!

    Some long days

    the boys fill your kettle with pencil crayons

    and draw on the bathroom door

    and the baby wakes up

    as soon as you begin the math lesson

    and everyone moans and groans

    and forgets how to round to the nearest ten.

    Some long days you hit dinner time

    with a sense of desperation…

    “How long till bed?!”

    and sing along to “The Muppets” soundtrack

    in an attempt to feel that you’ve got

    “Everything that I need, right in front of me.”

    Some long days

    the smartest thing you do

    is have a glass of wine with dinner

    and veto everything but laughter

    as you listen to stories from the Vinyl Cafe

    with the kids

    who delight in the one

    when Dave gets trapped in a sewer

    after dropping down his keys

    and gets mistaken for a monster by a little boy.

    Some long days

    the greatest relief is the feeling of your toddler

    drooling on your shoulder

    as you rock him to sleep early, to prevent any more fits.

    Success! The little beast is quiet…

    and you can actually read the others

    “The Never-Ending Story” about Atreyu and Bastian,

    the luck dragon Falcor and the childlike Empress,

    until their eyes close and their breath gets deep and even.

    Despite all the chaos,

    all they’ll probably remember about today is

    listening to stories with you

    and falling asleep on the warmth of your lap.

    Some long days

    when the hours drag on,

    remember you’re not alone

    and try to end them with a smile…

    Just keep picturing diving into bed

    and sinking into the sweet relief of sleep!

    Some long days, mamas,

    you gotta keep your eye on the prize!

    awake

    In the dim, dark house

    the furnace rumbles and blows

    breathy hellos into the corner of each room.

    In this airy darkness

    I try to lie still

    while my toddler—

    having made his nocturnal migration

    into my bed—

    sleeps beside me.

    The baby in my belly wiggles 

    and flutters, 

    hoping for a snack.

    Such a boy…

    not yet born

    and already wanting breakfast before dawn.