Month: August 2013

Freedom in Giving

On By Anna EastlandIn Ponderings1 Comment

I was reading the encyclical “The Splendor of the Truth” by Pope John Paul the 2nd, when I came across an amazing statement: that it is by giving ourselves away freely and totally, dedicating ourselves to others, and to something greater than ourselves, that we become free.

This struck me as something beautiful and challenging, the idea that it is in seeking to go beyond ourselves, to reach out to the other, that we find true freedom, rather than by seeking first of all ourselves.  It is impossible to possess ourselves completely, to be in control of all things around us, and have things always our way (the dream of children). But it is perhaps possible, with struggle, to let go of ourselves.

If we can give ourselves fully to something we are passionate about–our family, our community, our faith, our work, our art–we can gradually be freed from the entanglements of resentment, bitterness, and self-pity that come from failing to give fully. When we only give half, we feel trapped, because we are still trying to hang on to control, to measure how much we give and make sure we are rewarded.

On the contrary, the person who gives freely, does so because she is inspired to do good; the beauty of goodness urges her on. The reward lies in overcoming herself in order to serve others, not being trapped by her own selfishness but escaping into the beautiful freedom of love, which seeks only to bring joy to others.

It’s a wonderful ideal, which flashed before me this morning like a shooting star…it made me realize that the more fully I give myself, the more I embrace my exact circumstances, the more I rejoice in serving my family, the more free and happy I will be. I guess my whole life will be a climb towards this freedom, an emerging from myself, a lesson in love.  Cheers to all my fellow climbers, and to never giving up, despite the struggles of each day.

A Small Zoo

On By Anna EastlandIn Family Life6 Comments

Often living in a house with 5 little children can feel rather like running a small zoo, full of strange exotic birds and monkeys who are liable to climb everything, and constantly build themselves habitats all over that seldom-seen thing called “floor.” Like clever chimpanzees they like to create modern art pieces with supplies like finger-paint and spaghetti sauce…any surface is a suitable canvas, from walls to couch covers. Ever innovating, they know how to turn toilet paper and bath water into paper-mâché tile art. Don’t be surprised to find a small one bathing in the bathroom sink, making steam art on the mirror, or having a healthy snack of toddler toothpaste. There is always something fun to do, like scatter puzzle pieces around the confines like wood chips, or paint boxes with the smallest monkey’s diaper cream.

All these endeavors make the animals extremely hungry, so there are frequent feeding frenzies. The feeding area is swarmed with little birds chirping “Me! Me! Me!” and there is no silence until all the little feeding dishes are filled with animal crackers and other suitable snacks. If the offering is deemed worthy, the birdsong “More! More,” will be heard; however, if the animals are unsatisfied with their rations, they will resort to scowls, whines, and rude barking, sometimes followed by a purposeful tipping over of said feeding dishes, or the use of a dish as a small missile, hopefully in the direction of the floor rather than the zookeeper’s head. The baby hippo often gets so messy it is placed immediately in the wading pool, and gets a thorough scrub.

After their meal, the animals usually head off to the recreation area and engage in elaborate displays of beauty, strength and agility, including leaping off the furniture adorned in princess feathers, or circling about repeatedly in brightly patterned skins that would help camouflage them in a tropical coral bed. Like chameleons on hyper-speed, they are liable to change their skins as often as every five minutes, scattering colorful heaps about the confines.

We won’t go into a discussion some of the animals’ bathroom habits, for their lack of refinement in areas of toilet training, their parading about without proper rear covers, and their enjoyment in leaving surprise droppings and puddles for the zookeeper, would be thoroughly reprehensible if they were not such small animals.

It is sometimes with great relief that the zookeeper puts them all in their cages for the night, with the blissful thought that at least for several hours, no busy little creatures will be burrowing about the living room in blanket tunnels, or scattering paw covers outside until the zoo’s garden becomes an Easter egg hunt for missing shoes. How peaceful and sweet the fuzzy beasts seem, with their limbs flung out in the abandon of sleep, and their little purrs and dreamy sighs…

You might think that the evening would bring peace and quiet to the zoo, and rest to the zookeeper, but don’t forget one important thing: night watch! After all, many animals are nocturnal…

Broken Light

On By Anna EastlandIn PoetryLeave a comment

This is a poem I wrote months ago, and finally decided to publish, being in a sufficiently melodramatic mood after a long day.  Funny how poetry brings out our inner opera star sometimes…Anyway, I wasn’t able to sleep and got up to clean the kitchen a bit to get sleepy.  My efforts in late night cleaning resulted in accidentally knocking a glass pitcher out of the cupboards at midnight…SMASH! on the tile floor…overheard by my landlord upstairs…Should have stuck to my initial plan to read a good book and eat ice cream instead!

Broken Light

Some days I can do nothing;
everything I try to fix breaks.

Hands reaching out to heal
make things crumble instead;
fingers try to caress but leave a bruise.

Words meant to help leave scars of pain,
wounds unhealing and unforgotten.

How can I go so wrong?
Intending to care
but causing anger, offense, insult…

It is clear I can do nothing.

Lord, from this hollow emptiness
bring fullness of life,
from my stumbling failures bring fruit.
Make all things new,
from death bring life.

Help me to embrace
the silence of my nothingness.

Help me become an instrument
forged in fires of humiliation,
not broken but smoothed,
docile to your inspirations,
attentive to the needs of others
and passionate for my own duties
brightening my tiny corner of the world.

The Moon is Laughing

On By Anna EastlandIn Poetry1 Comment

Tonight I went out and looked up at the crescent moon.
The evening air was calm and cool.

I tried to think deep thoughts about eternity,
about how this suffering now is only a blip,
and all worth it for the great forever to come…
but the moon kept flipping over and smiling at me.

I think it’s trying to tell me to laugh more!

Grinning, I go back inside
to my newly mopped floor
–a rare treat with 5 kids!–
and write this little poem.

Summer Morning Memory

On By Anna EastlandIn Poetry2 Comments

I remember hazy summer mornings with my brothers,
exploring the long yellow grass by the country road,
picking up garter snakes by the tips of their tails
and watching them wriggle.
I remember the rustling sound
of crickets in the dry grass….
that smell of wild flowers and freedom.

When we got hot we used to go hide out
in the shade of the forest around our cabins
and look for tiny frogs.
We’d catch them and make them swim
across our little kiddy pool
again and again until laughing
we let our magic moving toys squirm out of our hands
into the cool green grass.

Man! What I would give for a time machine,
a pair of cutoff jean shorts and a little grubby t-shirt,
being there again, a kid.
Except this time I’d bring my kids–
all 5 of them
to play with me.