Since the baby came certain things are on pause—
it’s hard to find time to write, to think,
to grieve, to pray
except through my body as I rock and sway,
rock and sway my little one to sleep.
Other things are going fast-forward—
there’s no stopping kids growing,
squabbling, questioning everything
and making messes everywhere I look.
In the anxious moments of early morning,
my mind tries to rewind,
to second-guess and over-analyze
but there’s no going back.
What I’m forgetting
as I grasp for control
and it slips like sand though my fingers
is the one button I need to press:
Play.
Play right now, as things are
in the mess and chaos of my 8 kids
doing silly dances and laughing,
finding a moment of togetherness.
Be right now—
allow myself to have a moment alone
walking under the cherry blossoms—
stopping to listen to the hummingbird
who sings above me
pointing it’s tiny beak heavenward,
little messenger of my Dad.
Embrace right now with its little inspirations to
to snuggle my down-soft baby
and write an imperfect poem,
unpausing my frozen voice which felt
unable to speak
unworthy of being heard
afraid to crack open bitter walls of strength
and cry.
Just press play.
Just East Of Crazy Land 
Full pink super moon sure brings out intense emotions, letting a few tears run out helps release the pressure , so much unknowns during this world wide time of emergencies and change. The beauty of the blossoms and the chirping of the birds , like clockwork, in the early morning, helps us feel some stability in their constancy of praise for the morning light.
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Thanks for your thoughtful and poetic comments! ☀️ I like “their contacts of praise for the morning light.” Makes me think of the Cat Stevens song “Morning has broken, like the first morning; black bird has spoken, like the first bird, praise for the morning!”
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Yes I thought of that song too, I tried to play it on the guitar years ago,
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Again, beautiful thoughts Anna. The baby you hold is a little capsule of normality. It’s funny when one thinks of this. How such a tiny being can be our reference point to our judging what is normal today. The chaos around us means nothing if we hold to what is important. And you hold exactly that.
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Thank you, Claire for these beautiful thoughts! I’ll keep on holding tight! 🥰
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