Author: Anna Eastland

I'm a homeschooling mom of 8 and write at "Just East of Crazy Land: Adventures in Parenting." My younger daughters share their art and writing at "The Passionate Pencil" and the older ones at "The Writing Sisters." Enjoy! :)

No Elephants In The Graveyard

On By Anna EastlandIn Family LifeLeave a comment

About a month ago, at the ripe old age of 32, I had my third driving lesson. Yup, I don’t know how to drive, yet…

I wasn’t that interested in high school; we literally lived in a village, two blocks from the lake and about four to school, so there wasn’t much need. Then I was busy working, then university, then married and having little kids, and that brings us to today.

My husband doesn’t drive either, but the bus has served us well; we have saved money and paid off tons of student loans, and have met many interesting people. However, now as a family of seven, we take up about half the bus, so it’s time we got our own.

My ‘little’ brother, whose birth I remember as an eight year old girl, and who is now a foot taller than me, is bravely teaching me to drive in his gorgeous boat of a Cadillac. I feel like a little gramma in the low, comfy seat, peaking over the wheel.

We are practicing in the graveyard near my house, as it’s very quiet, and there aren’t many people around I could actually hurt (sorry–it’s hard not to make cheesy jokes when learning to drive in a graveyard).

At the gates there is this funny sign:

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I’m getting a little more confident about the basic start and stop, making smoother turns, etc, and do ok if I relax and just feel the road. When I think too much and check mirrors 800 times/minute it gets a little tricky.

“Just be smooth and predictable,” advised my brother, “and try to breathe.”

This was working pretty well but then we added a new challenge: backing up. And then doing a turn backing up. And then figuring out what to do after hitting a small tree while backing up. Which is not gun the break, I discovered.

Oops. There went the side light.

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I immediately began to apologize.

“I’m so sorry! I can get out. You can drive. I totally understand if we’re done with lessons.”
“No, it’s fine. You can’t stop now. If you quit now you’ll be afraid. Keep going.”

I’m baffled. My brother is a 25 year old guy with a Cadillac I’ve just seriously crunched on one corner. A guy who really likes cars.

“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. It’s just a car. It’s just a thing.”

No dirty looks. Totally sincere.

“You’re awesome,” I say, thoroughly impressed. I feel honoured to matter more than the car, even right in that moment.

So on we go.

That night after dinner we have a great discussion about fear and confidence, about how being willing to take risks and make mistakes is essential to actually becoming confident. About how many fears are just phantom menaces, ridiculous things we’ve conjured up in our minds, like elephants in the graveyard.

We decide that maybe our example of confidence, despite being imperfect, is one of the most important things we can give our kids. So they can feel free to go out and make mistakes of their own on their way to doing great things.

A few days later he emails me a picture entitled “Duct Tape Victory: duct tape and a hair dryer can fix anything.”

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Despite my graveyard smash, I still like driving ok, and obviously want to improve. But my favorite part of learning to drive is hanging out with my brother more often, and getting to know him better. The little sweet toddler I remember is growing up to be quite the fantastic man, and I’m proud to be his sister. Currently, driving lessons are on hold as he’s away for some time visiting our other brother in Hawaii. I’m so happy they can be together. Important bro-time. But when he gets back, I can’t wait to chase elephants in the graveyard with him again.

Little Gift

On By Anna EastlandIn Poetry5 Comments

Poetry gives my heart wings
so it can fly to you.

It takes this inexpressible spirit of mirth
and sprinkles it like petals in the wind
a frenzy of colour
a dance of joy.

You can’t believe how happy it makes me
to see my little inspirations
reflected in your eyes.

You’ve tasted something
I thought only I could,
seen this light coming through me
a simple lantern
now glowing
rejoiced with me in this little gift,
the poem that came to me today
like a butterfly
to one sitting quietly enough
to hear its wings.

Evening Romance

On By Anna EastlandIn Poetry2 Comments

Tonight I feel wrapped in romance,
listening to mellow piano solos
and dancing with you.

All the highschool dances
I danced alone
cease to matter.

Every girlish dream
for a love worth serenading to the stars
fulfilled.

Imaginings of dancing ballet
on a grand stage with sparkling lights
played out here in my living room,
under the glowing Christmas lights
I still have up
though it’s past New Year’s.

Not needing a million romances
I’ve found one love
to make my heart overflow:
my sweet husband, my best friend,
our four little girls
with all their hugs and laughter,
and you, my adorable baby son,
sleepy little lovely you.

The Grace to be Present

On By Anna EastlandIn PonderingsLeave a comment

I saw this quote online and it made me laugh to think how true it is:

Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.

Sometimes we think that it is a noble thing to worry, that it is somehow more responsible to worry than to trust. Perhaps we know that we shouldn’t really worry about whether or not a new haircut will turn out perfectly, but we fall into the trap of thinking that it is right to worry extensively about the things that do really matter, like whether or not we are a good enough parent. Surely in this matter we are justified in periodically raking ourselves over the coals…right?

Nope.

While it is responsible to spend some time in reflection and planning, in setting goals and making small changes, this kind of beat-yourself-up worry can easily be more self-indulgent than useful, because it can lead to apathy and despair, instead of hope-inspired action.

Furthermore, while worry removes us emotionally and mentally, gratitude helps us to be present, to really experience the moment and the people we are with. Worrying when you are with someone is like the mental equivalent of texting at the table. How about instead of sitting worrying about whether you are a good enough parent, spouse, or friend, give your loved one a hug? The love of an imperfect person goes a really long way; after all, we all are!

5 things to do if you catch yourself sliding into a worry spiral:

1. Get up and do something. Take one small, concrete step towards the issue troubling you, and then try to let it go.

2. Work up a sweat. Go for a brisk walk, get down and scrub the floor (it’s hard to worry when huffing, puffing, and making your house shine) or get down and boogie. A little living room dance party does wonders for the soul.

3. Read something uplifting. Remember all the beautiful things happening in the world. Give thanks for what is going well, and try to trust that there is a good plan behind the things that, in your limited view, are not.

4. Call a friend. Ask them about their day. You’ll remember others have struggles, too, and yours will become a lot smaller. Just voicing your fears to a confidant will help them become less ominous, and you’ll likely receive the emotional boost you need along with some good laughs. Also, friends are good at telling you the things you already knew but forgot, and needed to hear from someone you love.

5. Pray. There’s no harm in asking for help, in letting the things beyond our control out of our tight grasp, in letting go so that something good can happen, something better even than what we imagined. Remember, “worrying is like praying for what you don’t want,” so instead, pray for you heart’s desires, for peace, wisdom and joy, for the hope to begin again each day with trust. As Anne of Green Gables’ lovely school teacher Miss Barry said, “Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it…Yet.” Just remember, making mistakes doesn’t disqualify you from being loveable, but worrying about your mistakes can prevent you from loving. Remember to be gentle with yourself, and that gentleness will extend to others.

And if all else fails, eat some chocolate and watch a funny movie! Or maybe do that part anyway…

Explode

On By Anna EastlandIn Poetry2 Comments

I had the great pleasure of writing this poem—on the back of an envelope— in a very rare moment alone, while waiting for my husband to meet me for a date in a Louisiana style jazz cafe last month. The Ouisi Bistro. Picture smooth music, cozy candlelit atmosphere, me and my pen. Happy sigh….

Explode

Why do artists go crazy?

Because inside them
The universe is exploding
The exquisite painful beauty
Of being alive sears their hearts
With madness

The delicate tragedy of
Falling in love
When a loved one can be lost
Blinds them with tears
But their eyes bleed in colour

Myriads of rainbows
Dancing light

The quivering emotion
That teeters between perfection
And just right

The knowledge that all can be shattered
And yet love endures

It is a beauty unendurable
Unless expressed

How many times can my heart break?
As many times as I can write it, paint it
Draw it, dance it, beat it to the rhythm of
That life that keeps going
That fire that keeps burning
In my soul

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Happy Homeschoolers

On By Anna EastlandIn Uncategorized1 Comment

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Today I’m happy to be getting back to homeschooling after all the business of the holidays. Simple family time, colouring, and reading up a little storm! What are you grateful for today?

Wind Swept Sky

On By Anna EastlandIn Uncategorized4 Comments

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This beautiful sky with its wispy clouds being swept along the sky struck me today as I waited for the bus with the kids. It was frosty, clear and bright.

My sister sent me a link to a wonderful idea: to take a picture every day of something I’m grateful for, and to share it. The idea is that the more you look for things to be grateful for, the more you’ll find, and the happier you’ll be. I think it’s worth a shot! Let’s grab our cameras and look for beauty…I bet it’s right under our noses if we just slow down and take time to notice it.

http://www.upworthy.com/you-take-zillions-of-photos-with-your-cellphone-why-not-try-something-new-with-them?c=ufb1

In Honour of an Aunt I Never Knew

On By Anna EastlandIn Family Life3 Comments

Today a Dutch aunt of mine I never met passed away. I only know a few things about her. She was a little girl during World War Two, and her family sheltered Jewish children. As a child she used to climb the house with her brother to play on the roof. Their mom, my granny, didn’t mind. When she grew up she did radio shows for children with her husband, and at some point she moved from Holland to France. Like her mother she was full of oomph: an artist with strong opinions.

Sadly, relations between her and the rest if the family were strained and minimal, as some of those opinions were hurtful. Sometimes the wounds of life tear apart even the bond of siblings. War is a traumatic thing to live through.

But what is wonderful is that in her last few weeks, she was positive about everyone. Perhaps she had run out of energy to resent. Perhaps the dazzling light of death put things in perspective.

Whatever the case may be, may the bitterness of past anger be sweetened with the humble realization that we are all, in our own ways, “een beetje gek:” a little bit crazy, a little bit difficult, a little bit prone to making mistakes.

May the impending warmth of Christmas fill our family, and all others, with forgiveness and peace, for as cliché as it sounds, these are surely the best gifts we can give each other.

“Oh, Holy Night:” A Reflection on Wholeness

On By Anna EastlandIn Family Life, Ponderings4 Comments

A few evenings ago we braved Christmas tree decorating with our little nest of 5 squirrels, aged 7 years to 8 months. It went surprisingly well. There were no major squabbles, decorations broken, or Christmas tree climbings. The baby squirrel did try to bat at the tree, and sucked on a star, but happily it was wooden.

The best part, besides the baby squirrel’s look of amazement when we turned the lights on the tree, was our two year old’s triumphant “I did it!” after she hung up each decoration. The lowest branches got very decorated! Every time she hung one she leaped into her pleased daddy’s arms and gave him a big hug.

While we decorated we listened to the Classic Christmas playlist on my Songza app (which I totally recommend). Songza has soundtracks for every mood and occasion. It’s like custom radio with no commercials: a digital DJ. Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer is the most popular song in my house, but the kids like some of the traditional carols as well.

As we draw closer to this special time of the year, I’ve been reflecting a little on this holiness we sing about in carols. What does it mean?

When we think of the first Christmas night, the virgin birth, the choirs of angels filling the night sky with song, the birth of a savior, we perhaps think of beauty, light, transcendence, miracle. Wonderful things, but perhaps very ‘other’ than ourselves, very removed from our lives today.

From my limited experience with Hebrew, I believe holy, ‘kadosh,’ does indeed mean ‘set apart’. Is holiness something just for ancient biblical tales then, or is it something that involves me today?

It’s good to remember that this very extraordinary event of the first Christmas took place in very ordinary circumstances. In a stable or cave, surrounded by warm farm animals, munching hay while their breath rose in steamy clouds in the chill night air.

The first visitors were the humble shepherds, not the wise kings, so throughout the Christmas story, the theme of littleness prevails. Glory swaddled in humility, power curled up delicately as an infant in his mother’s arms.

Again, how does this image of holiness relate to me, today? Am I to try to imitate these ancient people in an exterior way, to try to conform to a particular image of goodness?

The more I mediate on the idea of holiness, the more I see that it is precisely in being wholly oneself, that one can reach holiness.

That to try to conform in non-essential exterior things in attempt to appear a certain way, is quite the opposite of holiness, for it is a betrayal of your own wholeness, a marring of the divine image which God made you. You are a unique, unrepeatable creation. Who you are is good; after all, you were His idea! You are loved exactly as you are.

Sometimes along the paths of life we pick up lots of emotional junk; it sticks to us and hides the beautiful image inside. I think the process of holiness is one of removing all this non-essential garbage: fear, pride, resentment, blame, etc to uncover the original creation that is truly you. This is a big process, one of a lifetime, and can feel overwhelming. Ask your Creator to help reveal his masterpiece. A little more each day.

So this Christmas, a season of gratitude, dig deep to find what is unique and beautiful in you, and give thanks for it. Without comparing yourself to others, because it is the sum of all the crazy, amazing people in the world that makes it such a wonderful place. Each with their own gifts to contribute, their own lessons to teach and to learn.

Here is a quote from humorist Erma Bombeck, who was a housewife, mother of three, and prolific writer of newspaper columns and books, including the awesomely titled “The Grass is Always Greener over the Septic Tank.”

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would have not a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’

I encourage you to embrace your passion, nurture your creativity and believe your dreams can come true. Try something you always wanted to but were too afraid. Make the world a better place as only you, with your specific mission in life, can. This way you’ll be more holy, wholly, you. And that, in my opinion, is exactly what God had in mind.

And now, lest I’m all talk and no action, I’m off to the dishes, part of my particular mission to care for my family.

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