Category: motherhood

Interview with Bonnie Way of The Koala Mom

On By Anna EastlandIn Friendship, motherhood, Writing10 Comments

Here is an interview with my friend and fellow Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood author Bonnie Way. I’m excited to be starting as a guest writer a few times a month on her blog, The Koala Mom, and was interviewed on it last Monday. I so love having a blogging buddy to talk about writing with! Hope you enjoy meeting her, too! 

 

Bonnie Way                          The Koala Mom

Please tell us a bit about yourself…
I’m a SAHM with three girls (ages 7, 5 and 2) and another baby on the way in November. My husband and I both grew up in Alberta. We met at university and got married when we graduated, then moved around a lot before deciding to go back to university in Victoria. Now we’re settled in Vancouver, where I’m homeschooling our oldest two. We enjoy going swimming and hiking together, watching movies, and playing board games with friends.

Why do you love to write? How does it help you be more yourself?
I’ve always been a writer. I started my first diary when I was ten and printed my first novel when I was fourteen. In my teens, I wrote several fantasy novels and started various other novels, which still sit on my computer. Then I did an English degree and worked as an editor for a year before going on maternity leave. I started my blog just before getting married and it has slowly evolved to be my biggest writing outlet. It took me a few years as a mom to realize that I needed the support of other moms; my blog has been one way to connect with other moms and to share this journey of motherhood. Writing is kind of my way of processing what I’m thinking and going through, and blogging allows me to combine my passions for writing and mothering.

What made you want to be part of this project? Why do you think it’s important? 
I love supporting other moms and writers, so the idea of contributing to an anthology was a lot of fun. Moms and families are also very much under attack in today’s society, so I believe it’s important that we as moms encourage each other. I’ve often felt looked down upon for being “just a mom” or wanting lots of kids. Society seems to see kids as a burden, an expense, a stage in life to “survive” until they are more interesting. So I wanted to share that kids are a joy at any stage – even through those night wakings of the first year or two and that it’s okay to want nothing more than to be a mom. Reading Anna’s essay on being a love rebel is what really encouraged me to share my whole struggle with wanting to be a mom in a culture that looks down on a mom, and how finally, after nearly seven years of being a mom, I feel like I really have embraced that role and stopped looking down on myself. I hope that will encourage other moms too, to stand up to our society and be love rebels.

  

What benefits do you think people will gain from this book? Could it be used in a mom’s discussion group or book club?
Yes, this would be a great book for a mom’s discussion group or book club. I think each of us contributors provides a unique perspective on motherhood. Any of the essays could inspire a good discussion. 
I also picture this book inspiring the mom who doesn’t have a mom’s group, who is busy all day with her toddlers or babies and snatches a few minutes here and there to read. Many of the chapters are short (well, except for my long essay!) and easy to read in a few minutes (put it in the bathroom if you have to! I used to read a lot of magazines there!). As moms, it can be easy to get bogged down in the tantrums and the messes, the daily chores, and to lose the big picture of motherhood, so I hope this little book can inspire moms everywhere to look beyond the sleepless nights and the other trials of motherhood to the joys and the long-term goals of raising kids.

Why is friendship with other moms so important? Is there a friend who has made a big difference in your journey as a mom?
I was among the first of my friends to get married and the very first to have a baby. That created a bit of a gap in my friendships, as all my friends were focused on their careers and I was at home changing diapers and doing laundry. Then we moved several times and went back to school, and I finally found a mom’s group at a local church. That group of ladies was like a breath of fresh air. It was so amazing just to show up every week and talk about everything, from who was up all night with a grumpy baby to how to help a kid transition into Kindergarten. We’ve moved again since then, but I still keep in touch with the moms from that group and miss them so much. They were the ones who taught me how much moms need other moms – whether they can answer the question I’m struggling with, pray for me, or just offer a shoulder to cry on until a certain parenting phase passes.

Tell us a bit about your pieces in the book…what is your main message, or best piece of advice for moms?
I have a couple little poems in the book, a short essay I wrote about my oldest daughter’s first pair of shoes, and then a longer essay about my journey into motherhood. I think the first three pieces each focus on little moments of motherhood – things we could overlook, but might look back on later with a smile. I want those pieces to encourage moms to treasure the little moments before they are gone. My longer essay is about my desire to be a mom in a society that says women should be more than moms. I hope that essay can encourage other moms who also struggle with that to stand up for their desire to have kids and be mothers. Even if we wear other titles as well, “mom” is an important and worthy job and we shouldn’t let society look down on us because this is what we chose to do with our lives.

  

Who was your favourite author growing up? Was there someone in literature who modeled for you how to be a woman or mother?
Just one favourite author? LOL. On the topic of motherhood, I’d mention Little Women and Louisa May Alcott’s other books. Marmee is a constant, loving presence through that novel and we also see Meg and Jo growing into their roles as moms—Meg as the mom of her own twins and Jo as the adopted mother of a whole school of boys. Another favourite author is L. M. Montgomery and her Anne books. I love the way the relationship between Anne and Marilla develops through that novel, and then again, seeing Anne become a mother in the later books is also inspiring. And I should mention Cheaper by the Dozen, a hilarious book about a family with twelve kids that kind of started my own joke that I want twelve. All of those books talk about motherhood, adoption, and large families, and had an impact on me as a young reader. 

Can you tell us a little about your blog?
Well, I write a mom blog so it covers a little bit of everything. Right now, I blog five days a week and have a rough schedule of blogging about motherhood on Mondays, travel (around Vancouver) on Tuesdays, marriage or other things on Wednesdays, homeschooling on Thursdays, and book reviews on Fridays. I’ve been blogging for nine years this summer and do product reviews as well as sponsored posts. I call my blog my work-at-home part-time job and I love the fact that I can do something I enjoy, make a bit of extra money for our family, and still be at home with my girls. Plus, I’ve met so many other cool women through my blog so I love the way that social media and the blogosphere can connect us as moms.

  

Visit Bonnie at 🐨 The Koala Mom 🐨

Why motherhood, insomnia and writing are perfect bedfellows

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Writing7 Comments

1. As a mom you have tons of inspiration and new material every day: kids are so creative and unafraid to be original. Only a five year old making spanakopita with her mom would imagine that leaving the thicker stems on the fresh dill in the recipe might lead to jail time. 

If we leave the hard bits the people at the potluck will say “Ugh! Gross!” And then they might put you in jail. But I’d be sad cause I like you. But then we’d say it was an accident and we tried to take them off, and then they’d let you out again.

Whew! Who knew making spinach pie was so dangerous!

2. You might think moms get no “me time” to do quiet things like writing, but that problem is easily solved by insomnia. It’s very quiet at 1:30 am. Perfect for writing! After all, you can’t wash dishes or do laundry at this hour, so you may as well do something creative! 

3. If you don’t have insomnia, don’t worry: third trimester pregnancy will solve that for you! Between heartburn, baby kicks, and Braxton Hicks contractions you’ll be all set!

So you see, motherhood, insomnia and writing are perfect bedfellows! Just forget about the sleeping part…and rejoice in being a mom blogger!  

The Feminine Touch

On By Anna EastlandIn Family Life, motherhood, Ponderings2 Comments

 

To deny that making a home a beautiful and loving place is a valuable task is to deny the value of woman’s innate ability to nurture…and to place value only on money and perceived external power. Sometimes feminism makes the mistake of equating equality with masculinity…thinking anything typically feminine is lesser. What an impoverished view! How far from respecting the feminine, how far from liberating women! 

True freedom lies in the ability to choose for love…whether it is to work in society, or to build society from within the family. Woman has much to add in both these spheres. 

Whatever we do, wherever we are, we do as women, and proudly so. Feminine qualities of empathy, wholistic vision, ability to multitask, to communicate and bring out the best in people should be part of everything we do, whether teaching our children or designing a bridge. So wear the power suit if you like, but don’t throw away your feminine soul. You are richer for it, and so are those around you. 

“Love Rebel” up and rolling!

On By Anna EastlandIn Friendship, motherhood, WritingLeave a comment

I’m excited to see our book “Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood” on Amazon!

We have been blessed with some really beautiful reviews. It’s so great to see women responding with warmth and joy to our collection of essays, poems, and experiences of motherhood. This is anything but a ‘know it all how-to’ book…it’s more like a bunch of good heart-to hearts with girlfriends over coffee…sharing laughter and tears, and feeling encouraged to not be alone in the bumpy adventure that is motherhood. 

Chicken Soup for the Soul contributor Glynis Belec said in part of her wonderful review:

As I was reading, I started jotting down notes – joy phrases; sage advice; brilliant quotes. I was barely halfway through before I realized I had almost two full pages. Something rings true as each author ushers me into her life. Perhaps it is the vulnerability and the frankness of the authors. The stories are all different yet share a common thread -mothers are vessels for the miracle of life. A good reminder to our society where motherhood is too often considered secondary or not as important as career and climbing the corporate ladder.

I think Bonnie Way said it best in her story – “As I gave myself permission to just be a mom, all the little daily tasks of motherhood became a joy, instead of a chore.”

My sweet mother-in-law, one of my chief cheerleaders, noticed that you can now see inside on Amazon! This nice feature means you can read our editor Roberta’s intro to the book, see the table of contents, and also read the other reviews inside it. This all gives you just a little more of a taste of the book before you decide if it’s somthing you’d like to have next to your bed, on your coffee table, or at your mom’s group or book club. Happily the $10 price for a print book makes it quite accessible. Buying it as a Kindle e-book is another option, and is $2.97 American or $3.78 Canadian. 

Brenda J. Wood wrote this about reading “Love Rebel”:

What a charming book. I cried, and laughed (sometimes both at the same time!) The authors wrote their hearts on these pages and speak of loss and stress and every crazy emotion that occurs when you are a mother. They speak up for a dying art, the art of motherhood and the difference it makes to a child when it’s done right. It is ‘technically’ a Catholic book but don’t let that put you off. Highly recommended because it is heartwarming indeed.

A warm thank you to all the women who have reviewed our book and taken the time to give our stories a place in their hearts. Cheers to all my fellow moms! May we always support and encourage one another, and never fall prey to the danger of comparing ourselves to others and feeling we should try to be anyone else but the best version of ourselves. 

  

Check it out Amazon!

Woman: part, parcel, or person?

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Ponderings13 Comments

The other night after dinner I let my kids watch a bedtime movie so I could clean the kitchen. First we chose a Jim Carry comedy about a superhero, as the kids had heard it was really funny. I gave a hesitant ok and popped in and out of the living room to make sure it was suitable.

At a certain point there was scene in a lounge with a female singer in a sparkly dress “purring” a little to confidentially to the men in the audience. My 9 year old daughter said right away, “Mom, her dress is too short.” “Yeah, kinda more like pajamas,” I agreed. “She’s being inappropriate,” stated my 7 year old bluntly, as the woman continued in the manner of an overly friendly cat, rubbing up against people. “Let’s change it,” concluded my 9 year old. So we did. 

Figuring it would be a safer bet, especially for the younger ones, we switched to a cartoon. An adventure story about archeologists. Surely this would be fine, right? Again I popped in and out to make sure while tidying the kitchen. I came in to the following scene: 

A slightly nerdy looking guy, the main character, having a discussion with a slim woman with glasses and a pony tale. There was some dangerous adventure to be had, and he objected to her going alone. Then from the other room she asked if he was offering to come along. He hummed and hawed until she reappeared, now in her “archeology outfit” which consisted of little jean shorts and a small, revealing tank top. Her glasses were also removed. All his hesitation disappeared, and no surprise: of course, he was coming!

Perhaps kids won’t really notice this subtly sexual joke, likely put in there for the adults watching, but what message does it actually send to girls? Guys won’t be willing to make sacrifices for you because of your friendship or your brains, but you can be sure they’ll do anything for your boobs. Great! And we really think feminism has advanced so far…

Whether or not women’s bodies are being presented as sources of power and control over men (again, this is a manipulative rather than healthy message), the fact is what seems to matter about women is their parts…the pieces of their bodies that interest men. Perhaps brains are also presented as a good thing, but only as long as they come in a pretty package. 

Parts. Packages. Juicy bits. What are we talking about here? Cars, internet bundles, steaks? Things. We are still talking about women as if they were things instead of people. This is objectification. Do we want our daughters to be objectified? 

 
What really matters about women is that they are people, and like men, each one of them is unique, irreplaceable, and worthy of love and respect. Tell me Hollywood, when are you going to grow up enough to share this message? It is one of true beauty and of hope for relationships that actually respect each person as a person, and just not a set of spare parts to be used for fun…until a better model comes along. 

Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood

On By Anna EastlandIn Family Life, motherhood, Writing28 Comments

  
I am so excited to announce that my first book, with four other awesome women writers, is about to be published!

This beautiful labour of love (sorry for the birthing pun!) started with a spark of friendship that caught fire a few summers ago, when my friend Laura’s cousin Roberta Cottam, now a close friend of mine, first came to my mom’s group. We were discussing the importance of spending time on our artistic pursuits, even as busy moms…how spending time on things that make your soul happy and stimulate your mind is actually good for your whole family. A happy fulfilled woman is a happy fulfilled wife and mother. 

This was a huge point of connection for Roberta (artist, writer, designer) and me (writer and photographer) and began a series of great conversations about the topic. We both felt that our spiritual lives and our artistic output were very connected, and encouraged each other to deepen both. This book is one of the fruits!

It also came about because of another very good friend, Monique Leblanc, who had inspired me to start blogging about a year earlier. I found her blog so genuine, funny and refreshing that I decided to start blogging myself. I liked that her writing was so real…you felt like you were having tea with a dear friend…rather than remaining an aquaintence who is only shown all the pretty bits…it was the opposite of contrived. I connected with joyful Melanie Jean Juneau and fun-loving Bonnie Way online through blogging and mutual friends, and when we began the book project, Bonnie invited her good friend Monique Les to join in as well. 

So five moms, five bloggers, five friends, brought together through the passionate work of Roberta Cottam and designer Laura Wrubleski (http://www.visualaura.net/), have resulted in an anthology which I hope will encourage and inspire many mothers in the beautiful and worthwhile vocation of raising the future citizens of the world (yup, I mean being a mom!). Look for it soon on Amazon in print or as an e-book! 

Honouring International Bereaved Mother’s Day

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhoodLeave a comment

May 3rd is international bereaved Mother’s Day. It is an important and beautiful opportunity to acknowledge all the mothers around the world who have suffered loss through miscarriage, stillbirth, child loss or painful struggles with infertility. 

It is a chance to share grief and hope, to reach out and be vulnerable, to connect, to encourage, and to honour the women whose mother’s hearts are suffering deeply. 

 
Every baby is, in the words of Still Life Canada, “a unique and irreplaceable individual.” It is fitting that we honour their passing with our whole hearts. Sometimes sharing your grief is the first step to allowing others to share theirs, too, and beginning to heal. Let’s break the silence with gentle words of love.     Also, the Mothering Your Heart program is a lovely way to connect with other bereaved moms, be encouraged and supported in your journey of grief and healing. There is a Facebook page to share with other moms if you like, and a series of helpful emails you can receive each day leading up to Mother’s Day, with gentle ideas on self-care and nurturing your wounded heart, honouring your baby and seeking the stillness in which to discover the still, small voice of hope….    Wishing you all peace, strength, healing and hope…

With all my heart,

Anna

Mummy of Josephine, my little star in Heaven 

My Penny is Worth a Million Bucks

On By Anna EastlandIn Friendship, motherhood, PoetryLeave a comment

Some people think they know about pennies…
shiny bright little things that make children happy

and help them dream dreams of being big,

the kind of thing you carry in your pocket

just for luck.


But they know nothing of richness

of real treasure

unless they know my Penny. 


My Penny is worth a million bucks.


She is the kind one whose eyes I can see twinkle 

even over the phone as I call, yet again, to say,

“So, are you bored without me?”


She is the one who makes me tea 

when I arrive in a fluster 

of post-transit with kids business

and sit my big belly down

in the office sofa seat.


She is the one who knows,

(6 babies later)

everything about me,

and with her magic spinning wheel

tells me when the latest Eastland will arrive. 


She is the one who gives the kids stickers—

their favourite part—

besides getting to push the Doppler button

and hearing the new babies heartbeat,

and certainly reason enough

for them to request a new sibling

every year or two…


So my beautiful, wonderful Penny

know how much you are loved

and that you will always be

part of the birth story of all my children,

and more than that,

ever a part of our family.


If you promise to come 

and have tea with us at our house

we will even give you a sticker!

  

The Children Have Officially Eaten My Brain!

On By Anna EastlandIn Friendship, motherhood17 Comments

So being a busy, scatterbrained mom I tend to be running a little behind, and it’s quite a feat to actually get anywhere on time. But today I set a new record…I can’t say for being on time really…but for extreme earliness.

I was determined, whatever it took, to make it to my dear friend Penny’s retirement dinner. She has been the secretary at my midwifery clinic for all my 6 children, so she has known me since the earliest days of my motherhood. She has always been there for me with her attentive warmth and kindness. I really wanted to honour her today by coming with a hug, a gift, and a poem.

So I scrambled to find babysitting, called up and down my phone list, and finally found help in my kind upstairs neighbours. After getting the kids ready for bed and settled in with a movie, I threw on a dress, necklace and heels and ran out the door. Literally.

On the sky train I wrote Penny’s poem: “My Penny is Worth a Million Bucks,” grinning that I got it done just on time…then I scooted as fast as my heels would carry me, scrambling down shortcuts and asking directions from friendly folks outside their house.

By the time I got to the pub I was over an hour late…but better late, than never, right? Inside it was very quiet and none of the staff had heard of Penny’s retirement dinner. At all. Oh, dear….
Beginning to worry I checked the online invitation. I’m sure it was on Wednesday, I’m sure! Oh! Oh! It was next Wednesday. Which is also next month! I was one week early, and not even in the right month.  A world’s biggest idiot sign glowed brightly above my head as I slunk quietly out the door.

That’s it!  The children have officially eaten my brain. What was left of it. No wonder they’re hungry all the time! Anyway, kicking myself and laughing I took a selfie to prove my ridiculousness:

  Then, like a good mom with free time on her hands, I went a shopped a sale at Gymboree, and brought home some summer clothes for the kids.  And then like a good blogger I worked on this post on the bus ride home. Now I just have to work on being a good invitation reader…

Well, I hope this made Katie from Australia laugh, because she writes the best “fail” posts, and this day was sure a big belly flop! But if it made you laugh than it was a worthy misadventure…

(See Katie’s crazy stories if days gone wrong at https://laptopontheironingboard.wordpress.com/category/fail-2/)

And at least I got Penny’s poem done…in my traveling studio….ehem, sky train….which is actaully a much less distracting atmosphere than my house.
Tomorrow, after I put my silly self with my sore feet to bed, I’ll share Penny’s poem with you all.

Goodnight, sleep well, and may your brain be with you!

(I hear it’s nice…)