Signs of Sweetness

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Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.
St. Thomas Moore

So many signs of tenderness continue to pour in, along with meals and assurances of prayers, as we grieve the sudden loss of our baby Josephine during labour three weeks ago. We are so blessed by these many signs of sweetness. Thank you to everyone who has shown us such generosity and support. God is finding so many ways to say “I love you” to us every day.
Here are pictures of a few:

Two dozen gorgeous pink roses sent to our door from a couple in our parish:
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A single perfect rose left anonymously at her grave:

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A plant for me to take care of, called a Josephine:

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All who have been touched by beauty are touched by sorrow at it’s passing.
Louise Cordana

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Lend me your hope for awhile. A time will come when I will heal, and lend my renewed hope to others.
Eloise Cole

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When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart. You shall see in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Khalil Gibran

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Josephine Pilar, our sweet little star, we are so grateful for you! We will love you forever!

Song of Longing for Little Ones

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United in grief we stand
here with our hearts in our hands
Walk with me pretty please
so I’m not alone
so I’m not alone

Reach through your pain
to touch mine
Let me heal yours
you heal mine

Together we’ll bear
this big weight
holding on tight
to ropes of grace

Let my tears
wash you clean
begin anew
to feel free

Love is strong
oh, so strong
It tramples death
with it’s song

“I am alive
forever alive
In your hearts
you know that’s right”

Our little ones sleep
but in peace
This is the joy
in our grief

Walk not alone
on this path
silently tread
so often before

Let my cry break
the prison of glass
that’s freezing your heart
that’s holding you back

Shout out your grief
let your heart thaw
In the warmth of the sun
things don’t feel so raw

Together we stand
united in grief
Love makes us whole
it makes us complete

Keep up your chin
sparkle a smile
You’ll see your little one
in a little while

Josephine

Josephine flashed before us
with the brightness and beauty
of a shooting star

Our hearts are broken by the briefness
of her visit with us

She has climbed onto our Father God’s lap
and is whispering to him our secrets
with sweet confidence
Speak to her in your hearts
the only language she will ever know is love

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Carry Me

You carry me above the waters
lest I drown in my sorrows

And it is safe
to let my heart break
because it falls
into your hands

And though it feels
shattered and broken
yet your love
my heart can heal

So carry me
above the waters
and make my heart
arise anew

First Snowdrop: Tiny Signs of Spring

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This beautiful delicate snowdrop, pushing its way out of the rubble of mushy brown leaves, sticks and manure, to let its little pure white head glow in the sunlight, is a sweet sign that spring is slowly coming, that hope for renewal after winter is alive. A sign that even when life makes us face our worst fears, such as the death of a loved one, we can come out of the haze of sadness with eyes that still see the beauty of the world.

I dedicate this picture to my great friend and fellow blogger Monique Leblanc, the one who inspired me to begin sharing my adventures in Crazyland. I offer it for her especially, because she recently passed the due date of her son Hilary, who was born asleep half way through her pregnancy. His appearance was like this snowdrop, brief and achingly beautiful.

I offer it also because she has recently moved from the balmy west coast to the frozen (but friendly!) fields of Saskatchewan, and is much more likely to be seeing snow ploughs than snow drops at this time. The great thing is that she thinks this is fun! 🙂

I want to honour her unfailing friendship, her joyful sense of adventure, and her great dedication to her family. She has been for years, and always will be, a wonderful inspiration for me. She embraced me and believed in me when we first became friends, and has never ceased to love and encourage me. Cicero said so poignantly:

What sweetness is left in life if you take away friendship? Robbing the world of friendship is like robbing the world of the sun.

I was afraid of losing her closeness when she moved away, but instead feel closer to her than ever, thanks to the phone, and her uncanny ability to know when I just really need to talk to her. As Anne Shirley said so well: “True friends are always together in spirit.”

Blogging has also helped us to stay close as we try our hands at writing and jump into this wonderful online community together. Check out the awesome blog she writes with her husband Ryan at thelasttimechange.blogspot.ca/

Life can be tough, but if you have a good friend to laugh and even cry with, everything is ok. It gives life a stability that can sustain you through the roughest waters, and help you laugh over your little daily disasters with someone who knows you better than you know yourself. Our old buddy Cicero agrees:

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.

I hope all of you have friends like this. Have you told them lately how much they mean to you?

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Explode

I had the great pleasure of writing this poem—on the back of an envelope— in a very rare moment alone, while waiting for my husband to meet me for a date in a Louisiana style jazz cafe last month. The Ouisi Bistro. Picture smooth music, cozy candlelit atmosphere, me and my pen. Happy sigh….

Explode

Why do artists go crazy?

Because inside them
The universe is exploding
The exquisite painful beauty
Of being alive sears their hearts
With madness

The delicate tragedy of
Falling in love
When a loved one can be lost
Blinds them with tears
But their eyes bleed in colour

Myriads of rainbows
Dancing light

The quivering emotion
That teeters between perfection
And just right

The knowledge that all can be shattered
And yet love endures

It is a beauty unendurable
Unless expressed

How many times can my heart break?
As many times as I can write it, paint it
Draw it, dance it, beat it to the rhythm of
That life that keeps going
That fire that keeps burning
In my soul

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