“Don’t do so much,”
they say,
“You’re taking on too much—
take it easy,
relax.
You’re too busy
to add anything else.
Do less,
sleep more…
don’t push so hard.”
They mean well,
of course,
but to me
all this sounds
like a recipe
for dying.
Tag: work
Work Clothes
With coffee-crazed hands
I iron the shirts
I make them smooth
I tremble
I iron the shirts
the ones he wears on the skytrain
to the job he still has
to the office that’s still open
I make them smooth
I tremble
The steam rises up
like incense from my hands
I flatten the hills
make smooth the valleys
make straight his path
I work
I pray
I tremble
Gratitude (in thanks for a hard-working husband)
Quarter-end crunch
and you’re working round the clock
like a donkey round the threshing mill–
sacrifice in each step.
Working like your dad,
but long hours away instead of long weeks at camp.
At home,
we celebrate our eldest daughter’s 12th birthday–
a dozen years of parenthood–
building a life together bit by bit.
I think of the early days of motherhood,
pregnancy and giving birth for the first time,
and those inexpressibly precious baby snuggles.
Remembering I rejoice
and celebrate having made it thus far.
The day, says my classy and clever friend Laura,
calls for champagne.
And although it takes two,
often moms get all the credit
for building their children’s bodies,
knitting them together in their wombs.
But I think of you, honey
working away in the office each day
so I can order in groceries–
paying for each apple, cake and curry I prepare.
And I realize our children’s cells
are built upon your sacrifice.
They are nourished by your love,
strengthened by your resolve,
encouraged by your perseverance
to believe that anything is possible.
So thank you…for working so hard
so I can be with our little ones
and celebrate with them
all the mess and glory
of being alive.
Every “No” is also a “Yes”
Many people struggle with saying “no.” It is so hard to disappoint people, to imagine letting them down. It feels easier to take on added stress than to refuse someone and upset them. But this attitude can lead to burnout and resentment, and endanger the peace and well-being of the person giving. Boundaries are necessary to protect these things, and having healthy boundaries means being able to say “no” without excessive guilt or worry.
Perhaps reframing things would be helpful to those who struggle with saying “no.” Within each situation where something is refused, another positive thing is chosen. Saying “no” to taking on an extra work project over the weekend means saying “yes” to quality time with your family. Saying “no” to joining an extra committee means saying “yes” to being able to take care of your own work and family, without getting so frazzled and stressed. Saying “no” to that late night movie means saying “yes” to gettting the rest you need. Every decision involves discerning and affirming your priorities. Decisions are a way to say “yes” to the life you wish to live…and that life requires the boundary of various “no’s” to maintain it.
I think the key, which I am trying to learn myself, is to allow yourself to say “no” calmly, without the guilt or worry that can lead to harshness or sarcasm in order to protect the fragile boundaries around yourself. It is ok, and even necessary and good to take care of yourself and make sure that whatever you do give is given freely, with a cheerful and generous heart. We need to give this good example to our children and those around us. Love can only be given freely, and that means also having the freedom to say “no.”
Many of these helpful ideas are found in the book Boundaries: When to say Yes, How to say No, to take Control of your Life by psychologists Dr.’s Cloud and Townsend. I believe I have written about this book before because I found it so eye-opening and transformative. After discussing boundaries with various people– family, spouses, children, co-workers, etc– the book ends with various tips and questions to see how you are growing in your ability to maintain your boundaries. The best quick check for responding to a request was this: if you hesitate to say “yes,” the answer is “no.” You shouldn’t have to force yourself into things because of fear of disappointing others or appearing badly.
Remember, every “no” is also a “yes”…a “yes” to what you are able to do, what you desire to do, what makes your life better, what helps you feel free. Of course we should practice generosity and strive to live affectionately with those around us, but in the security of knowing that their love for us doesn’t depend on our unconditional “yes” to every request. And hopefully by learning to say “no” with confidence, we will also greatly respect the “no’s” of others, and never receive them with bitterness or resentment.
The Million Dollar Question
The most important question each day
is not so much how much we received
but how lovingly we gave all we could.
If we see things this way,
then each day hands us a blank cheque
on which to write the amount of our generosity,
the value of our loving work
offered as a gift to God
and to our fellow man.
How rich life is when we live to give!
coals of divine love
Do we realize our immense dignity
as children of God?
That we are
with the coals of divine love
burning in our souls
as walking tabernacles
of the Holy Spirit?
Every touch, every gesture
should be one of love
as done by one bearing an immense treasure,
a wealth of gleaming gold
inside a simple earthen vessel.
How then our work can be an act of worship
done in union with God within us
with the delicacy of one in love.
May we glow with this warmth
bringing affection to all we encounter
and the joy of being children of God
ever in His presence.
The Feminine Touch
To deny that making a home a beautiful and loving place is a valuable task is to deny the value of woman’s innate ability to nurture…and to place value only on money and perceived external power. Sometimes feminism makes the mistake of equating equality with masculinity…thinking anything typically feminine is lesser. What an impoverished view! How far from respecting the feminine, how far from liberating women!
True freedom lies in the ability to choose for love…whether it is to work in society, or to build society from within the family. Woman has much to add in both these spheres.
Whatever we do, wherever we are, we do as women, and proudly so. Feminine qualities of empathy, wholistic vision, ability to multitask, to communicate and bring out the best in people should be part of everything we do, whether teaching our children or designing a bridge. So wear the power suit if you like, but don’t throw away your feminine soul. You are richer for it, and so are those around you.
Contemplation by Moonlight
Outside the moon smiles lopsided
ever laughing, ever the same
despite my foibles, my losses
my little tragedies and defeats,
the moon continues in it’s ever changing sameness,
shining down like a flashlight
from eternity,
each difference but a dance with shadows.
And while sirens blare
and strange cars drive by
on late night voyages,
the cool air caresses me with the same
light breath and the stars quietly proclaim
“We are forever.”
Can it be that I, too,
despite my little daily battles—
the exorbitant dishes, the laundry piles that heave and grow
like monsters animated by dust and finger-paint,
the millionth cup of spilled juice,
the sweet stickiness of the table after pancakes—
am somehow part of this cycle of sameness
which is a gateway to eternity?
that through these daily things
and my yes to the “now”
to the goodness of each day
I am also saying yes
to eternity?
An amen which fills the heart
with joy unquenchable..
The moon looks down
through the cool night air
upon my littleness
and laughs, “Yes!”
Just East Of Crazy Land 