The Ever Changing Tides of Grief

I received this beautiful advice on grief during the holidays from my lovely big sister. Having been widowed when her children were very small, she knows about grief…that we can’t skip it, but have to go through it. She has been a great support to me since I lost the baby.

Hi sweetie,

I know all these celebratory days are falling flat under the weight of your enormous grief. It’s awful and expected and normal. That doesn’t help. Nothing really helps. You have to ride the wave of it. It will wash over you again and again. Sometimes you’ll think the tide is way out there, that you’re safe and far away from it, and yet another wave will cut you off at the knees.

The intervals will eventually get farther apart and yet when a wave hits you, it will feel every bit as intense. That, in my experience, is just how it goes.

The thing is – the waves will send you spinning but they won’t drown you. You’ll keep going because you are tough and resilient and wise and beautiful and have a thousand blessings to offset the struggle.

All my love,
Dymphny

I wanted to post these words today for all others who are grieving, and especially in honour of two of my friends who recently had fairly early miscarriages. My heart is with you as you ache for your babies in Heaven. Your truly lost a little child, just like me. All the potential for a whole life was there in that tiny little being, that new little soul created in love. It is understandable that your heart is broken. This child—with their unique DNA, their individual soul, their mysterious mission—can never be repeated. It is ok that you long for them forever. Forever will come.

May you be comforted by family and friends, and carried by grace through the ever changing tides of grief. And as you keep swimming to that distant shore of peace, know that you will be a sign of hope for others.

13 thoughts on “The Ever Changing Tides of Grief

  1. Robert McCandless

    Anna –

    This is all – every word, including the title – so good.

    These feelings are powerful, yet they are passing, not permanent / part of the story – not the ending.

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    1. Thank you, Mary for these very kind and encouraging words! I am so happy if my writings and experiences can be of use to others.
      It helps to believe that things happen for a reason and are a call to serve others and bring some goodness to the world.
      God bless!
      Anna

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  2. Thank you so much for sending me this link. What beautiful words, both your own and your sister’s. I don’t know how to put this and worry that in my clumsiness it will come out wrong, but I am so grateful for the support and advice of others who have suffered grief. If I could take away your pain, or that of any of the other grieving mom’s who have comforted me I would. But speaking out of your sorrow to help others is such a special gift to give.

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    1. Thank you, Caitlin. I’m so happy to be of any help in your pain. We really need each other, us fellow Babyloss moms. I feel like we’re a kind mom veterans who’ve come from battle and need to lean on each other, the ones who’ve experienced the same thing. It helps to not feel alone, and it is amazing the support we can give each other. I myself have been blessed this way. You might like this poem/song I wrote about solidarity:

      https://eastofcrazyland.wordpress.com/2014/10/14/song-of-longing-for-little-ones/

      Wishing you healing and strength,
      Anna

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  3. This is just beautiful. The image of the surf beach really resonated with me. I agree with one of your other commenters who said that your grief is a ministry to others. This takes so much courage and generousity. To be able to look outwards to others at a time of such pain. A pain I cannot begin to imagine. Thank you and God bless you xxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and blessing. It’s funny because the first post I published on my blog, I did in honour of my close friend Monique, who had last her little boy Hilary half-way through the pregnancy. She’s the one who inspired me to start blogging, and nervous as I was, I hit publish for her. Who knew how fitting that start would be, in terms of the direction my blog has taken of late.
      I guess God was preparing a path for me, because having a place to express myself and share has been very healing for me as well, and gives me a sense of purpose in all this.
      I’m very happy to say that Monique now delivered a healthy little boy, baby Augustine, just before this past Christmas.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can understand how it must be a blessing for you to have an outlet to express yourself. But I think that you, in turn and through God’s grace, are providing a blessing for many others. We don’t always get to see the fruit of the seed we sow, but I believe your blog is a powerful ministry to people you may never meet.

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