Explode

I had the great pleasure of writing this poem—on the back of an envelope— in a very rare moment alone, while waiting for my husband to meet me for a date in a Louisiana style jazz cafe last month. The Ouisi Bistro. Picture smooth music, cozy candlelit atmosphere, me and my pen. Happy sigh….

Explode

Why do artists go crazy?

Because inside them
The universe is exploding
The exquisite painful beauty
Of being alive sears their hearts
With madness

The delicate tragedy of
Falling in love
When a loved one can be lost
Blinds them with tears
But their eyes bleed in colour

Myriads of rainbows
Dancing light

The quivering emotion
That teeters between perfection
And just right

The knowledge that all can be shattered
And yet love endures

It is a beauty unendurable
Unless expressed

How many times can my heart break?
As many times as I can write it, paint it
Draw it, dance it, beat it to the rhythm of
That life that keeps going
That fire that keeps burning
In my soul

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Christmas Cold

Hit by a cold
like a ton of bricks
two weeks before Christmas.

Ugh.

Squinting at the Christmas lights
(thank God they’re already up)
through my sleepy mole eyes,
I try to nap while the kids watch a show.

Ha!

My toddler gives me the play by play:
“Dere’s a weindeer, mama, and a bid, bid spider.
He’s not the bad guy, he’s the bad guy, riiiiight?”
“Right!”

Wrapped in blankets,
I’m trying to keep from falling
off this little donkey
that is life.

Trying to keep riding along,
over the dips and bumps
in that ancient little path
towards Bethlehem.

Keeping company with that young girl
full of wonder,
wrapped in starlit silence,
riding that little dusky mule
towards motherhood.

Late Night Waking

My little one wakes in the night
in search of a snuggle.

All day she runs and plays
talks and sings
dresses up and strips down
to toddle about in her diaper.

She seems like such a big girl sometimes
counting her toys:
“One, two, seven, ten, sixteen…”
and asking,
“What’s after ‘e,’ Mama?

But inside, in some ways,
she’s still a baby
only two.

And sometimes she needs to come home
find that spot in my arms where she fits just perfectly,
fuzzy warm head resting on my chest,
luscious eyelids fluttering like slow-motion butterflies…

After long enough to write this poem,
and give her many kisses,
her little comfort-tank fills up again
and she nestles into sleep.

The Garden in Me

Somewhere in the late summer garden
that is slowly turning into fall
the way a green fern curls into papery brown,
gently caressing it’s demise,
there is a poem hiding.

I can feel it.
I’m going to hunt for it,
like a leopard stalking it’s prey.

The poem leaps through the garden
like a little mouse jumping in tall grasses.

It’s hides in the little chickadee,
perched on an exhausted sunflower,
picking out seeds.

It sneaks with the sleek squirrel
between the playhouse stairs under the hazlenut tree.

It’s in the late afternoon sun,
breaking through the clouds
and making the white flowers glow.

It’s in the whispy tall grasses
that sway like tipsy paintbrushes.

Poetry parades in the gaudy orange nasturtiums,
holding up their pert round leaves like summer parasols.

There’s beauty in the watercolor rainbow
painted across the sky
as fine rain falls through the sunshine.

Sweet comfort in the sounds of the wood pecker
calling from rooftops, the brown chicken clucking,
the water fountain gurgling softly…

Poetry sprawls across the lazy blue sky
and laughs now the rain is gone,
how we scuttled about putting away things before they got too wet.

It flies in the sun shining silver on a seagull’s back
as it swoops over the graveyard behind our garden.

This poem, which has been calling me for days,
is in the grass, the dirt, everywhere.

And now, having devoured the garden with my eyes, it’s in me.

Sunshine on Green

Perhaps you had to be there
that day at the edge of the forest
to know how my heart sang
at the trilling of the birds and
the sunshine on thimbleberries,
their gritty sweetness delighting
the memory of my tongue.

A stinging nettle prickled my arm
as I reached for ripe berries,
and even this made me laugh
for the remembrance of being little
in the forest.

With that familiar scent of sunshine
poured on green growing things,
that beautiful sky tickled by whispy tree tops…
oh the memory of being young, so young, in the forest!
Alive with joy, my heart flying with nostalgia,
a simple silly madness
that made everything wonderful.

Little Visit

Coming here to the little chapel to visit you, Lord,
after all these weeks,
I feel like a long lost lover reunited…
and I want to cry.

Who am I without you?
Drowning in cares, distracted by worries,
unfocused and befuddled…

I’ve been shipwrecked and
barely afloat, but now I’ve seen land–
I can make it!

There is nothing to say,
because you know everything;
there is everything to say,
because you love me at every moment,
even my worst.

Touch my aching heart,
carry my drooping wings,
help me to soar with you,
embracing all the beauty of life.

Uncloud my eyes so I can see you still,
when I leave this little room,
smiling like a long lost lover,
heart beating anew.

Broken Light

This is a poem I wrote months ago, and finally decided to publish, being in a sufficiently melodramatic mood after a long day.  Funny how poetry brings out our inner opera star sometimes…Anyway, I wasn’t able to sleep and got up to clean the kitchen a bit to get sleepy.  My efforts in late night cleaning resulted in accidentally knocking a glass pitcher out of the cupboards at midnight…SMASH! on the tile floor…overheard by my landlord upstairs…Should have stuck to my initial plan to read a good book and eat ice cream instead!

Broken Light

Some days I can do nothing;
everything I try to fix breaks.

Hands reaching out to heal
make things crumble instead;
fingers try to caress but leave a bruise.

Words meant to help leave scars of pain,
wounds unhealing and unforgotten.

How can I go so wrong?
Intending to care
but causing anger, offense, insult…

It is clear I can do nothing.

Lord, from this hollow emptiness
bring fullness of life,
from my stumbling failures bring fruit.
Make all things new,
from death bring life.

Help me to embrace
the silence of my nothingness.

Help me become an instrument
forged in fires of humiliation,
not broken but smoothed,
docile to your inspirations,
attentive to the needs of others
and passionate for my own duties
brightening my tiny corner of the world.

The Moon is Laughing

Tonight I went out and looked up at the crescent moon.
The evening air was calm and cool.

I tried to think deep thoughts about eternity,
about how this suffering now is only a blip,
and all worth it for the great forever to come…
but the moon kept flipping over and smiling at me.

I think it’s trying to tell me to laugh more!

Grinning, I go back inside
to my newly mopped floor
–a rare treat with 5 kids!–
and write this little poem.

Summer Morning Memory

I remember hazy summer mornings with my brothers,
exploring the long yellow grass by the country road,
picking up garter snakes by the tips of their tails
and watching them wriggle.
I remember the rustling sound
of crickets in the dry grass….
that smell of wild flowers and freedom.

When we got hot we used to go hide out
in the shade of the forest around our cabins
and look for tiny frogs.
We’d catch them and make them swim
across our little kiddy pool
again and again until laughing
we let our magic moving toys squirm out of our hands
into the cool green grass.

Man! What I would give for a time machine,
a pair of cutoff jean shorts and a little grubby t-shirt,
being there again, a kid.
Except this time I’d bring my kids–
all 5 of them
to play with me.