Squeaky doors and squeaky floorscreaking staircases and whining doors
all conspire against a mother
as so many infrared beams
–invisible tripwires–
to set off Alarm Baby
as she sneaks off like a thief
trying to surreptitiously steal
the jewel of sleep
Sweet mother
pray for me
in this time
when more than ever
I need hope.
You know what it is
to lose a child
without letting your hope be whipped away
by winds of despair.
You know what it is
to love again
to love still
to be courageous enough
to be vulnerable.
We are all
in a way
your rainbow babies.
Born of the sorrow of your heart
on losing Jesus.
Born of the intense burst of love
that broke out of your heart
that day at the foot of the cross
when beauty shone through your tears
like sunbeams pouring from a steely sky
making rainbows flicker
in the maternal tenderness
of your eyes.
Help me hope again!
Help me trust again!
May I be a courageous mother like you
brave enough to believe
I will soon hold my little boy
breathing this time
Alive!
in my arms.
If it’s only by crying
that I can understand
the tears of others
then let me wear them like pearls
If it’s only by losing hope
that I can bring it to others
then let it fly away
If it’s only by breaking my heart
that it can become
big enough to hold everyone
break it
If it’s only by my desolation
that I can walk the valley of grief
with others
then strip me bare
Let my fragility bring others courage
my vulnerability, strength
And from my emptiness
let Your light burst forth
and shine
Lead us through the valley of grief
because if we walk it together
it will bring us Home
Just East Of Crazy Land 