Category: motherhood

Born of Hope

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Poetry, Stillbirth10 Comments

Sweet mother

pray for me

in this time

when more than ever

I need hope.

You know what it is 

to lose a child

without letting your hope be whipped away

by winds of despair.

You know what it is

to love again

to love still

to be courageous enough

to be vulnerable.

We are all

in a way

your rainbow babies.

Born of the sorrow of your heart

on losing Jesus.

Born of the intense burst of love

that broke out of your heart

that day at the foot of the cross

  

when beauty shone through your tears

like sunbeams pouring from a steely sky

making rainbows flicker

in the maternal tenderness

of your eyes.

Help me hope again!

Help me trust again!

May I be a courageous mother like you

brave enough to believe

I will soon hold my little boy

breathing this time

Alive!

in my arms. 

Crimson and Gold

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Photos2 Comments

I continue to be enchanted by the beauty of fall..which this year has had a slow mellow warmth, like the flickering of a cosy fire, flames all crimson and gold. 

   

    
   
My kids, who had been peacefully playing inside, were very happy to discover where Mummy had snuck off to for a few quiet moments of photography! Pretty fun that even though I’m with them all the time, after 3 minutes away, I get greeted like a rock star! 😉

  

Sunning the Moon Belly

On By Anna EastlandIn Homeschool, Maternal Health, motherhood, Poetry1 Comment

  

after a morning of spelling 
nursery rhymes
and writing practice
I take a moment’s break by myself
to sit on our garden bench in the sun

a tiny homeschool hiatus 
to sit quietly enough to hear 
the birds chirping and twittering
over the background hum
of city busses and summery lawnmowers
on this warm October morning

sun is supposed to be good
for this third trimester liver thing 
that has crept up on me again
so I expose my round belly
to glow like strange moon
blue veins faintly showing
in the bright sun

a small alien planet 
with the occasional surface ripple 
as the life within stretches and grows
just x-filish enough
to make me grin

awake

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Poetry5 Comments

In the dim, dark house

the furnace rumbles and blows

breathy hellos into the corner of each room.

In this airy darkness

I try to lie still

while my toddler—

having made his nocturnal migration

into my bed—

sleeps beside me.

The baby in my belly wiggles 

and flutters, 

hoping for a snack.

Such a boy…

not yet born

and already wanting breakfast before dawn.

Must I tiptoe, Mother?

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Poetry, Stillbirth21 Comments

“Must I tiptoe, Mother, into this world?

Tread so softly I won’t be noticed—

hold in my newborn cries

in a wake of silence

for the one gone before me?

Must I pretend I am not here?”

  

“No, my little love, no,

for we want you and the world needs

your little bright light

as much as any other.

There is no one else 

who could ever be you.”

Song of the Purple Plum

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Poetry11 Comments

  
Fall is coming.

The leaves blush crimson

and purple plums swell;

their dark bloom 

splits open sweet flesh 

and reveals the kernel of new life inside.

And so my round belly will 

swell, blossom, bloom

and I’ll split open 

revealing the flesh of my flesh

bone of my bone

seed of my hope

fruit of my love…

And from my fragile flesh—

my heart split open—

the seed of new life be nourished

and a new tree will grow.

Monique Les, “The Hard of Hearing Mommy” creates a community of understanding through writing.

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Writing4 Comments

  

Here is an interview with fellow Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood author Monique Les. Monique shares with joyful candour her journey of becoming a mom, and overcoming her insecurities about parenting as a person with hearing loss. I am so happy to share this with you today, and to have had the chance to get to know her better.

Please tell us a bit about yourself…

I’ll start by saying that I am the type of person that values spending time with people, learning new things, new ideas, and drawing inspiration from the simple things in life. My parents -immigrants from Hong Kong, brought me up to be Catholic, but it wasn’t until my University years when I became involved with Catholic Christian Outreach (CCO) that I really started to fall in love with the Catholic Faith. Since then, I’ve never looked back

In addition, I have a profound hearing loss and affectionately call myself a HoH (Hard of Hearing)! Combined with a good sense of humour, a passion for travel and a positive attitude, I can say that I truly have an awesome life.

Why do you love to write? How does it help you be more yourself?

Shortly after becoming a mom, I felt trapped in the four walls of my house. It was a particularly alienating experience for me, given that I like to socialize quite a bit! Prior to becoming a mom, I worked on high level research and writing projects, and when that phase of my life was over, boredom set in. With that boredom, came a sense of loss of personhood (in my case anyway!). Writing has become a cathartic exercise for me to channel all the frustrations, joys, challenges and whatever comes to mind. I chose to share all these stories with the public because there is always someone who might be going through the same experiences – whether it’s being a mom, hard of hearing, or both. In truth, my goal was to create a community of understanding, support and a diary of sorts for my daughter (and future children) to read when she’s older.

 What made you want to be part of this project? Why do you think it’s important? 

I’ll be honest with you, being the last person to be invited to this project – I felt overwhelmed! Initially, I took it as another awesome opportunity to get into writing again, as my blog started only a few months prior. During my time in developing articles and reading the other articles, I realized that motherhood itself is a community that needs to be nurtured, supported, and encouraged. In all the jobs that I’ve held, motherhood has to be the most challenging one – and to be a part of a book that goes against conventional society’s idea of motherhood fit with my Catholic values. So… in a nutshell, moms rock this world and this book affirms it!

  
 What benefits do you think people will gain from this book? Could it be used in a mom’s discussion group or book club?

I can’t speak for other people, but I have gained so much from this book already! As a first-time mom, I felt a sense of camaraderie from other moms – even though I’m only reading their stories. That kinship gave me the assurance that I was doing everything “right”, and that my heart was in the right place where frustrations are concerned. To be honest, I feel my pieces are mediocre compared to the other stories provided! Being a hard of hearing mom meant that I had to overlook some of my personal shortcomings (i.e. feeling guilty for not being able to hear my baby), and that could be a good topic for moms or book clubs to discuss how their shortcomings aren’t actually shortcomings at all. They’re just little puddles to muck through. To date, I’ve learned that focusing on my faith and positivity makes me a stronger mom.

 Why is friendship with other moms so important? Is there a friend who has made a big difference in your journey as a mom?

In the beginning, when my daughter was first born I went through periods of mummy tummy. I didn’t know if I was doing anything right or wrong, or both! Having friendships with other moms helps to reassure me that I’m not about to ‘mess’ up my child. In fact, they’ve told me that as long as my daughter is happy, then I’m doing something right. Simple, and yet much needed advice to hear in the early days! My mom is the one friend who has made a difference in my journey. She’s supported me through the thick and thin, the times when I was absolutely sleep deprived, or when I didn’t know what to do. I no longer think of my mom as just “mom”, but someone that I can go to for counsel. She was there when I had my meltdowns, the moments when I had sheer awe that I had a baby, and even the mundane times.

 Tell is a bit about your pieces in the book…what is your main message, or best piece of advice for moms?

Never give up hope. My message is that obstacles can be overcome, no matter how insignificant they may seem to others (or to yourself) or how big they are. I had to get over the obstacle of insecurity. Having a hearing loss tends to test my self esteem often, and that was a hurdle I had to get over in order to be the best mom for my daughter. The best piece of advice I can give at this point is to have a great sense of humour! Poop happens, and if we take it seriously all the time, then life becomes less fulfilling.

 Who was your favourite author growing up? Was there someone in literature who modelled for you how to be a woman or mother?

That’s a loaded question ha! Wow. I seriously don’t know where to start. The most obvious answer would be Our Lady and my mom! I would also say that Kimberly Hahn is a great example. I’m currently reading her book, Graced and Gifted: Biblical Wisdom for the Homemaker’s Heart; she has helped me embrace the extraordinary within the ordinary confines of daily life. I no longer see my chores as ‘chores’, but rather a gift of self-service through God’s calling. This is all very recent, mind you!

 Can you tell us a little about your blog?

Oh, it has a bit of everything! From parenting, to humorous stories about what it’s like to be a hard of hearing mommy, to my plain frustrations laid out for the rest of the world to read. I do focus on the hard of hearing things, because that’s the stuff that makes the blog unique. There are moments when I wonder if parents with hard of hearing children wonder if their children will ever grow up to have families of their own, or if hard of hearing people wonder what it’s like to be a parent. It covers hearing loss from a social perspective. Our world is so social, and hearing loss really cuts off that experience. My husband knows this all too well, and our daughter is (thankfully) not going to have to experience that same isolation. I get emails from friends of friends who have recently found out that their children have been diagnosed with a hearing loss, and it’s a devastating time for them. Through faith and support, the blog gives them some encouragement that it’s not the end of the world!

  

A big thank you to Monique for sharing her experience with us all!  Visit Monique and read more of her humorous and encouraging posts at:

The Hard of Hearing Mommy

What it’s like to be pregnant after losing a baby.

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Ponderings, Stillbirth14 Comments

  
I’ve been keeping this sitting in my heart for a while, so you could say this post has been a long time in coming. As you can guess from the title, for those of you who don’t already know, I am expecting a baby this November, after having lost my little Josephine in labour last September 30th. It is hard. Beautiful but hard. 

I’m normally one to be on the phone with mom buddies the second the little plus sign shows up on the pregnancy test, but this time I’ve been much more hesitant to talk about things. My usual excitement has been tempered by the confusing feelings of having lost my last child, and not knowing how to experience a simple, trusting hope that everything will be fine. 

I do hope and trust, but in a more complex and nuanced way. Not in the way of thinking things will always turn out how I want them to. But hoping in a plan that’s bigger than mine, a vision far wiser and more encompassing than mine. In a love stronger than death, knowing that no matter what, I can never truly be separated from my babies. 

Sometimes children are so wise. My five year old told me, “Don’t worry, Mummy. Either the new baby will come be with us, or will go be with Josephine in Heaven. So it’s ok.” What strength and clarity of vision!

It is hard to take this risk again—the risk that I might not see my baby smile or breathe until I meet him in Heaven—but it is a way of affirming that I am still alive, still have hope, still believe in goodness in a world where hard things also happen. Besides, the only way to ensure my heart could never be broken again would be to stop it pumping, but risking brokenness is essential to being open to life and to love. It’s part of the fragile thing called being human. 

Several of my close friends have lost babies and have been able to have one after. Those babies are a beacon of hope for me. I rejoice in each one of them. I realize they are miracle and a free a gift, rather than a right. We think we have so many rights, but we forget that people can only come to us as gift, in the freedom of love. 

I also rejoice in the children I do have, just seeing them running around full of life, dancing and laughing, and I think to myself, “They made it. That incredible journey…like little travellers from a far off planet, they made it through the epic journey of the few inches from womb to world, and arrived home.”

So as November approaches, please keep me in your prayers. Especially my little one, that he may arrive safely into his mama’s arms, and that this time, my tears will be of joy. And for all of you who are in the same boat, know my heartfelt prayers are with you as well. 

  

A Cloak of Starlight

On By Anna EastlandIn motherhood, Poetry, Stillbirth, Writing2 Comments

I go outside for a walk in the dark garden,

only two bare feet to hold up my heavy heart,

and after the warmth of the concrete driveway

surrender to the melancholic cool of the evening grass.

In the stillness of dusk

amid the silent flowers,

the sadness for my lost little love 

wraps me about like a cloak of starlight

poignant and piercing.
    
I hurry inside

to capture this poem,

preserve this tear like a crystal jewel 

and offer it to you, Jo,

the one whom I can give nothing

but the pangs of love.

Pregnancy Health: Getting Enough Fibre

On By Anna EastlandIn Maternal Health, motherhood, Yummy in the Tummy3 Comments

  

This might seem like a less than thrilling topic, but it’s actually really important. Keeping your system cleared out when you’re producing waste for two people instead of one is quite essential. I know; I get really sick if I don’t. 

In all of my pregnancies but one, I’ve gotten a late pregnancy condition called colistasis, which means that at that point my body can’t cope well with the toxins from baby and myself, and doesn’t know how to get rid of them. So instead of eliminating them, it puts them under my skin. Sounds fun right? 😬 Especially when you’re too itchy to sleep.  So you see the importance of trying to prevent such a thing…but how? 

The only really effective way I’ve found to keep my body regular and on track is to eat Bran Flakes every day. Yup, good old Kellogg’s has done more to keep me healthy than trying to eliminate sugar, fried fat, excess salt, etc, even though those things are of course important, too. My OB suggested trying this in my third or fourth pregnancy, and when I’m really faithful to it I am much better. With my fourth I didn’t even get colistasis at all.

  
The tricky bit is keeping on eating bran every day. But this seems to be the key. A few times I went through most of the pregnancy healthy, and then when I got a bad cold or cough neglected my bran flakes for a few weeks. That was enough to do it; I got colistasis again. And this condition is not only uncomfortable but increases the chance of stillbirth as your pregnancy progresses. I’ve experienced this. I don’t wish it on anyone. 

So that’s why I thought I’d share this simple trick, to keep up your bran which clears out your guts and keeps your system running clean, so you can be a safe environment for your baby to grow and develop. Here are a few ideas on how to consume it:

  1. As All Bran Flakes cereal at breakfast. With milk or yogurt, or if you have a cold, try almond milk instead for less mucous production.  If you’re getting bored, add berries or make it half Corn Flakes.  
  2. Bake the flakes into muffins…chocolate covers a multitude of sins, so just add cocoa powder to make dark, moist chocolate bran muffins. Or blueberries of course for a classic muffin. 
  3. Buy bran as a powder and throw it into your homemade pancakes…you can also make them healthier by adding applesauce or mashed banana instead of oil, and ground flax with a bit of warm water as an egg replacer. Oats or oat bran is also good to add to baking.
  4. Buy the All Bran Breakfast Bars and pack them in your purse for snacky moments, or days when you can’t stomach another bowl of cereal. 
  5. If you forgot to eat it for breakfast, have your Bran Flakes at bedtime with some chopped banana. Both milk and banana will help you sleep  better, and that’s always a good thing.🍌
  6. Buy other healthy, fibre rich cereals on occasion, to give you some variety. But don’t stay away from fibre all together for any length of time. 
  7. Buy fibre-rich crackers like Ryveta and eat them with cheese or peanut butter for a good protein snack. 
  8. Eat whole grain pasta and brown rice instead of white whenever you can. Quinoa is also a great choice for a hearty salad or as a side dish.  You can even throw it into bean burritos or stews.
  9. Eat other fibre rich foods like lentils and beans, and try to avoid things that will plug you up, like white flour products, too much dairy and fried fat. 🍟🍰🍩 Stinker I know…Some dark chocolate bars have a surprising amount of fibre, though, so if you promise just to have a little…🍫
  10. Finally, coffee is a diuretic, so while some women choose to eliminate it in pregnancy, I find a cup in the morning also helps to move things along. Besides me! 😉 Good luck and please share any ideas you have as well…happy baby baking! 🍼